Remembering why I did this

I'm 5 weeks and 2 days out from surgery. I have a follow up appointment on Monday which is right around the 6 week mark where I think you magically get cleared for everything. Not that I think even at 6 weeks I should be swinging kettlebells and doing power snatches but -- back to the ongoing debate, my "normal" vs the surgeon's "normal." I've figured that all out for myself and I know the 6 weeks is an arbitrary thing. Nothing magic is going to happen on that day.

Tonight my husband was going to Xfit and he thought I should come, even if to just warm up with the group and see everyone. I had the excuse that the housecleaners were coming and they wouldn't be gone by the time we would have to go. Either my house is really filthy or they just came from a really big job because there were 5 of them this week. They were done with the whole house in under an hour. Which meant I could go.

It was total role reversal for me to be so nervous getting ready for Xfit while my husband calmly sat on the bed. He has adapted so well to Xfit and I'm so proud of him. I know he wouldn't be there if it weren't for me so if he believed I could (and should) at least go stretch or do something at the box while the WOD was going on I trusted him.

I've been to the box once before, for the 31 Heroes WOD. I was still hunched over and had a drain in. Today I was in workout clothes. When the owner saw me she was so happy and asked if I was there to WOD. I told her I'd do what I could and she said that was absolutely fine. I saw some other friends and they told me how great I looked and how happy they were I was back. If that doesn't give you motivation I don't know what does.

The warmup was a mile run. B and I headed out and I told him I might need to take walk breaks. I felt bad for slowing him up but he stayed with me the entire time. I didn't walk once. My first full mile since surgery.

The WOD was descending sets of 10-8-6-4-2 power cleans, 20-16-12-8-4 pistols, and 30-30-30-30-30 double unders. I tried a few jump ropes and I didn't feel really comfortable with it so I asked Elayne what I could sub out. We decided 200 meter runs for each round. I did the power cleans (my favorite weightlifting move) with just the 15 lb bar. When you do it right it's such a violent movement that I didn't want to risk hurting myself. The pistols are such a hard move anyway and not feeling very stable on the way down made me worry about falling so Elayne subbed out air squats for me.

Even with the modifications it was a SOLID workout for me, 5.5 weeks since the last time I went to Xfit. I felt good on the runs, I wanted to go heavy on the power cleans and, well, the pistols are what they are. I wouldn't be good at them even if I weren't recovering from surgery.

B was really proud of me but I was proud of myself. Really. It was scary to go back no matter how much I love Xfit. Training harder was one of the reasons I said I was doing this and I feel I need to make good on that promise to myself. It will take time before I feel safe and comfortable going all out but I feel like I have the confidence to do it. I usually layer a long tank under a t-shirt to try to cover my stomach and I just wore a t-shirt tonight. That was a new kind of freedom for me. Workout clothes hide nothing anyway but to not have to *try* to hide something was pretty great.

Tomorrow we're running 7. I am a little worried that I'll be tapped out from tonight but I've performed under worse conditions. I'm not at the point where I'm even thinking about pace anyway, I'm just happy to be working on endurance and getting those miles in so I can cross that Disney finish line TWICE.