One rough week

Still no power or water. I'm at my wit's end. Recovery has been miserable because of it. Every day that I should be on the couch I've had to go out in search of a shower or food. It's a real fucking drag. It's hard to get in and out of the car. It's not comfortable to drive. Thankfully my car has a back-up camera because I honestly think twisting around would snap another layer of stitches. Or at least be really uncomfortable.

I can see exactly what I'm *not* supposed to be doing. When I wake up from a long time on my back with no motion my drain is clear like it should be. When I have to do stuff and move around it gets darker and darker. I wonder if I had actually been able to relax if my drain would be out by now.

I'm losing it. I'm depressed. I don't feel well, I have no comfort at home. I spent the week alone with no power and barely able to take care of myself. Today we came down to my aunt's house since the latest estimate is TUESDAY for getting power back. We were here an hour and my dog got out of the basement and went after one of my aunt's dogs. That was the LAST thing I needed. I told my husband to pack up the dogs and to go home. I was staying here for at least the night. I need to relax. I need to take care of myself or this healing is not ever going to finish happening and I'm in my 3rd week now.

My friend asked me if I would recommend getting this done. I told her at this point I would not. She asked if I could separate the hell of being without power and water would it have been better. I can't though. It's all been one horrible process. Maybe when this other drain comes out it will be better but it's been so much harder than I ever thought it would be and it's not like I have the results I want yet. Tonight I went to Kohl's because I have no clothes (they were in my aunt's wash) and I bought a pair of knit waist shorts 2 sizes bigger than I normally wear but I need the stretch waist to get over the binder and the drain. How depressing is that? You go into this because you want to look great and you end up buying bigger clothes. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do in less than 2 weeks when I go to Istanbul. I can't wear any suits, obviously. I have a dress I can wear a cardigan over for one day. I'll have to buy another loose dress for the other meeting day. That's assuming I feel okay. I'm really starting to stress about all of this now. I'm unraveling.

Tomorrow is the 31 Heroes WOD at Xfit. I'm not into going. I knew it would be hard to watch and not participate but with everything that's happened this week it's even harder.

Watch for news of my new blog! I've registered a URL, Blog Fairy is working on my design, I love the concept and I'm excited about this new step. It's coming at just the right time, I hope. I hope I'm going to take a corner very soon.