Ow.

Surgery was 4 days ago. It seems like so long ago and yet I couldn't tell you what I've done with the last 4 days other than watch a lot of episodes of Mad Men. My recovery process has been inconsistent. I felt super on Friday, decent on Sunday, trippy on Monday, and sorta okay today. I'm not sleeping great, I don't fall asleep until 3 or if I fall asleep earlier then I wake up at 3 for a couple of hours. Regardless, I'm tired during the day. I've been trying not to take painkillers, especially during the day. I take them at night but I'm going to try to make tonight my last night.

My abdomen still feels very swollen. I think it's the air/gas they use to fluff everything up inside because it feels hard as a rock sometimes during the day. I get so hungry and then when I try to eat I can only get a few bites down because I think everything is all inflamed and pushing up against my stomach. I've been drinking a lot which is probably good, yummy stuff too like fresh-squeezed orange juice and full-calorie iced tea (a treat!). But honestly if I could eat a good meal I'd be happier.

Today I got on the treadmill, partially from fear that this would be 4 days without running but also because I noticed that I feel worse if I lie in bed all day. My stomach feels even more distended and hard if I don't move around.

I probably should have just walked today but I felt like I needed to test myself. I did some running intervals, 4 minutes followed by 2 minutes of walking, for 3 miles. The good news is that I don't feel like I've lost strength or endurance. I didn't feel winded at all. I did feel a lot of discomfort bordering on pain though. I just don't think my organs have settled back into place yet (that's how I'm imagining it anyway) and I felt all jostled around for lack of a better word. I hope I didn't make a mistake but my surgeon said I should go for it when I felt ready. I thought I was.

At least the spell is broken. The unknown of what running will feel like after abdominal surgery is no longer a question. It hurts but it's not impossible. We'll see how I feel tomorrow though...

A reason to stay strong

Last night I talked to my mom to tell her I was recovering nicely. She called back about 5 minutes later and I assumed she was calling because she forgot to tell me something. She wasn't. My uncle, my dad's younger brother, had just passed away.

My dad's family has been estranged for years. We would have brief reunions but then everyone would go back to their own lives. My uncle, for some reason, always seemed to like me and then, when I got married, my husband. He was a quiet man but if you asked him about his beagle his face would light up and he'd talk all about her antics. He came here once for Easter and Jakob went berserk like he usually does when men come into the house. I was going to put him in another room because he was so bad but my uncle sat down on the floor and talked quietly and calmly until Jakob realized he wasn't a threat. My uncle had a great love for animals, his own and the ones who came into his life.

When I made my big announcement about the NYC marathon a few months ago my aunt and uncle were one of the first people to offer their support. They made an incredibly generous donation and told me how proud they were that I was doing this to raise money for animals. I hadn't even started training and yet they put so much faith into my ability to get it done.

When I posted my pictures from NSAL my aunt emailed me to tell me that my uncle cried when he saw the picture of me holding the puppy. My uncle is characteristically stoic as expressing emotions was not encouraged in our family. That really touched me that he thought so much of me and what I was attempting to do.

On Wednesday, he emailed me for the first time ever. He sent me a picture that he found and told me how much he loved me and that he was proud to be my uncle. I thought it was very sweet and I wrote him back telling him I loved him too and that I was so appreciative of the faith he and my aunt had in me. 72 hours later he was gone.

When I called my aunt last night to tell her how sorry I was I asked her what I could do to help. She said, "Run that marathon as fast as you can for your uncle."

I'm not usually a spiritual person but I know he emailed me on that day for a reason. He believed in me. If I didn't have a reason to stay strong before I have a huge reason now. I will make sure that his pride in me was justified. I'm on the mend and I'll be back to running soon enough. With renewed purpose and dedication. I love you Uncle Wesley. Rest in peace.

Gallbadder, no more!

Everything went great today. They called me and said they bumped me up so I was in surgery by 11:30 which was fantastic. The procedure took about an hour and I only have 3 small incisions on my right side. The surgeon told my husband that everything went fine but my gallbladder was inflamed so it's a very good thing I had it taken out now before it got serious. I feel excellent, not at all like I thought I would.

When the surgeon came in to see me before the procedure he said I could start running next week as soon as I felt well enough. I thought it was nice that he remembered it was important to me and reassured me I'd be back to my program soon. B started to object and my surgeon laughed and said "They're [women] are a lot tougher than we are."

Then his resident came in, the nice woman that I saw at my appointment who has done NYC twice. She said she saw my name on the schedule and asked if she could assist with the surgery. Then she took out her iPhone and showed me all her pictures from the last NYC she ran. How freaking cool is that?! I was so touched and it really put my mind at east. She told me that she had a knee injury in the middle of her training and had to take 2 weeks off and she honestly felt that it made her stronger when she got back to her program from having taken some rest. She said that this is about the point in training where injuries start and it's probably a really good thing I have a forced week of recovery. I can't tell you how happy that made me. And looking at her pictures were so cool, they really got me excited for the race.

For having surgery, today was a pretty good day. My medical care was outstanding, I'm already home in bed, and I really felt like my surgeon and his amazing resident were just as concerned for my goal as they were for my gallbladder. That's awesome.

My turtle is inching along

Today I passed to 600 mile mark for the year. I know that I'm excessively number focused lately -- weekly miles, average pace, weeks to go to the marathon, percent raised for NSAL -- but this one is a fun one to keep track of. I did 6.09 miles today (average pace 10:30/mile, good good) and that put me over the 600 mark. That tells a real tale. It's not like I was fit and athletic on January 1st and the 600 miles were part of an established routine. I was about 50 lbs heavier and I had *just* started to get back into running. In January, I was thrilled with myself if I could run 1 minute and walk 2 minutes and keep that up for a half hour with a 15 minute/mile pace. Now I can go for miles and miles and my average pace has come down over 4 minutes/mile.

I think that's important for me to reflect on today since tomorrow is gallbladder day and it's going to be a setback for my training. I'm trying to be confident that I'll recover and in a few weeks I'll be right back where I need to be with my mileage but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about it. I'm not even sure if it's my physical strength I'm concerned about. I've proven to myself that I can push past where I thought I could go with physical activity.

What I'm more concerned about is taking myself out of the game mentally. I've been SO focused on my goal that I never once allowed myself to consider not getting all my training in. Now I'm going to have a break in that focus and I'm terrified I won't get it back. I noticed it even this morning. I took today off from work with the intention of getting in a good run before they slice me open tomorrow and after screwing around online and doing some housework the thought loomed large, "Eh, just take today off. What's another day when you're missing a whole week?" That was scary and sobering that I may have worked hard this past year but I'm a lazy defeatist at heart. I've been working so hard on transforming my body but I haven't made all that much progress in transforming my mind.

I quickly shook it off, got on my running stuff, and did a nice 6.09 mile run. At the 40-minute mark I felt the runner's high kick in and I was smiling and singing and feeling out of this world. I've GOT to hold onto that. Next week when I'm tired and sore my mind is going to pulling out all kinds of excuses why I should take it easy and not run. I can't let that happen. I've got the marathon and I've got my little turtle up there to think of.

So wish me luck tomorrow. I'm an afternoon surgery because he is fitting me in which means I'll be sitting around all day getting more and more anxious. I hope I'm not so late on the schedule that they won't let me go home the same day which I've been counting on. Ugh.

And the moping begins...

I'm editing my mopey post because this picture was emailed to me today and it gave me a smile. That's some members of Team Animal League when we took our tour and afterwards we took group shots with Beth O, the founder of the team (the gorgeous model in the middle) and shot a commercial. Look at all those adorable puppies we're holding!

I woke up all crabby today thinking about this giant disruption to my life. Yesterday, after my fantastic appointment with the surgeon and after getting another filling replaced (yes, it was a banner day!) I went running. I did 6 miles and I was so ticked off the whole time I stayed right around 10 min/mile until the last 2 miles. It was on the trail which is uphill the first 3 miles so I had kind of burned out by the end. For me, 10 min/mile on a hill is pretty fast. It must have been anxiety and anger pushing me along.

My plan when this all started to sink in was to do the 15-mile run I was planning on doing this weekend on Thursday. I already had a comp day planned for Friday so I moved it up by a day so I could have an enjoyable day before getting sliced open. I told this to my husband and he was definitely not in support of that idea. He's worried about the surgery and doesn't think I should wear myself out the day before. Eh, maybe he's right. I was just thinking if I did that I technically wouldn't miss any long runs because I'd get this week's in early and then I had already planned to do next week's on Labor Day because that's when the big New Haven 20K is. That would give me 10 days between surgery and the race and I HOPE I should be able to do it, even if it's slowly.

I might do 3 miles today instead of weights and do 6 tomorrow. That shouldn't leave me too tapped out and I'd get in 15 miles this week. If I had known this was coming I would have planned this out so I could get all my miles in this week and only have to worry about falling off next week but it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it now.

Little Green Ghoul

See that green thing? That little, crappy, useless green thing? That's my gallbladder. And guess what? It's become such a pain in the a$$ that it's coming out on Friday. I know! I wasn't expecting that either.

About a month ago I ate some lasagna about 15 minutes before I went to bed (I know, not smart) and I had excruciating pain for about an hour and a half. I thought it was gas pains because my entire abdomen was hard as a rock. I mentioned this to a friend and she gleefully proclaimed it was my gallbladder. I say gleefully because she had just had hers out 2 weeks after giving birth to her daughter.

Last week I went to a friend's house and I ate a lot of garbage: some samosas, some pizza, some chocolate-dipped pretzels, etc. But I felt fine until a few hours later when I went to bed. I thought it was gas pains again but this time the pain was blinding. I couldn't sit, stand, or lie down and I cycled through each of those positions about every 5 seconds. My husband found me crawling in the hallway whimpering and yelping. Normally I try to be stoic about these things but when he asked me if I needed to go to the hospital I screamed, "YES!!!!!!!!!!" It was the longest ride of my life and I must have been frightening to anyone else in the ER because they took me right away. After a shot of dilaudid I stopped crying but they kept me until 4 am because they needed to wait for lab results. It was a long, rotten night.

I didn't mention anything here because I was way into denial that something was going to need to be done about it. The next day I had an ultrasound and gallstones were confirmed. Again, I just put it out of my mind. Today I had an appointment with a specialist and I figured he'd just put me on a bland diet and tell me to wait it out. That's not quite how it went.

He said it needed to come out. I said, fine, let's schedule it for November. He shook his head and said that I didn't understand. It needs to come out NOW. I said that's impossible, I'm training for a marathon, I can't take time off for surgery. And then he explained to me all the horrible things that could happen to me if I waited. He said he respected my dedication but if I had another attack like the one I had last week (which was inevitable, he said) I risked dislodging one of the stones and having it move to my bile duct. If that happened he said I'd not only miss the marathon, I'd be in extremely ill. His words: I wouldn't just be out of commission for the marathon, I'd be out of commission for a long, long time. He said he had a patient who has been in the hospital for a month because she's so ill and he still can't perform the cholecystectomy. I don't want that to be me.

I clearly was in shock and probably looked like I was on the verge of tears. He told me not to worry about the marathon. He said he's operated on plenty of other athletes (emphasis mine because this was the first time anyone ever mistook me for an athlete but I'll take it!) and was sure I'd be running within a week. He said to mentally prepare for pulling back for a week and he was sure I'd be back on track in a few weeks. That was reassuring. If this has to happen, I guess it's better that it be now with 11 weeks to go instead of the week before. Now I'm really glad I've stayed ahead of my training schedule because I'll need these next 2 weeks to work back up to where I was.

His resident told me that she's run NYC twice and she was really psyched for me that I was doing it. She told me not to worry about missing a week, she said that sometimes a forced taper week was a good thing. Since she's run it twice, I'm going to take her word for it.

This is NOT going to hold me back. This is merely an obstacle and I will get past this and it will make finishing the marathon even sweeter. Heck, I may even be a stronger runner because I'll be more streamlined without all those rocks bouncing around in my gallbladder. ;)

A Tale of Two Runs

Today I got my first big lesson in endurance. I bumped up to 14 miles which is getting into serious training territory. It poured, but I didn't mind that. I like the rain. The only downside to running in the rain is blisters. My feet are already a mess so what's another disgusting boil? I don't even feel pain anymore. So the rain really had no bearing on getting my run in today.

I decided to do 8 miles as an out-and-back, stop at my car and get some more Gatorade, and then do the other 6 as an out-and-back in the opposite direction, essentially breaking it up into 2 runs. The first run was incredible. The rain coming through the trees was calming and refreshing. I felt phenomenal. I tried not to think about the miles as they ticked off. I just told myself I was going to be out there for a long time and it was what it was. My splits for the first 8 are really good. Definite progress. Miles 3 and 4 were a nice, steady pace despite a 100-foot climb. I'm starting to see more 9s than before and that's a wonderful thing. My average pace at the end of the 8.18 miles was 10:29/mile. Loving that.

Then...the 2nd part of the run. I stopped at my car and I was dying of thirst. I could have stood there and chugged Gatorade all day. I decided to do a sock change which was a smart thing, regardless of blisters. Once socks get wet they're just so heavy and hot and lose their compression. The fresh socks (a different brand/type) were dry and cool and the nice squeeze from the compression was like getting a mini foot massage. Okay, maybe not that good but it was definitely a refreshing feeling. I also did a GU for the first time on a long run and it tasted as good as I remember. Pure, delicious, sugar energy.

I felt pretty good heading out on the 2nd half of the run. My pitstop was no more than 5 minutes so it wasn't like I cooled down very much but as soon as I got going I felt totally drained. Perhaps it was mental -- I had just been at my car which usually means "go home" and I was headed off to do another hour of running. Whatever it was, I knew I was going to be tested to get through the remaining 6 miles. For awhile, I coasted off the surge of energy that came with the GU. But that didn't last long, unfortunately. At the 12-mile mark I felt pretty bad. I felt like I had been out there forever. There was yet another mile-long climb (69 feet) and I was not moving fast at all. Then, happily, I got another burst of energy and finished up the last 2 miles at a decent clip. My overall pace for the last 6.11 miles tells the story though: 11:27/mile. Almost a minute slower than the previous 8.

Overall, my pace for the 14.29 miles was 10:52/mile. That's still great for me and under the 11 min/mile pace I'm shooting for at the marathon. What concerns me is that if I'm slowing down by a minute that early out I'm going to be barely moving by mile 26.

I'm not counting myself out though. I think this is part of the natural progression of endurance training. Today I added on 2 extra miles from my previous longest run of 12 miles. Fourteen miles is getting up there and is giving me a much better estimate of how I'm going to perform than when I was doing 8- and 10-milers. Yes, I slowed down. But now I have the confidence that I know what 14 miles feels like. Next week's long run is 15 miles and really that's only 2/3rds of a mile more than I did today. Hopefully I'll be a little stronger and hold up my pace for a little longer. The following week is a cut-back week down to 12 and that's where I can push again on pace. Training programs have a logic and a purpose. I feel pretty good that I'm going to be okay in the end.

I'm learning the thing about endurance is when your body and mind are telling you that there is no logical reason to keep punishing yourself you find a way to keep moving and work through it.

So that's the blah-blah-blah of my training this week (27.98 miles). In much more EXCITING news, the tag sale was a huge success! Where today was a lesson in endurance yesterday was more a lesson in not telling people off but, in the end, we made over $600!!! I was thrilled with my total which was close to $400 but then my dear friends Tom and Ricardo gave me what they had made that day. I was so blown away. Not only did they give up their whole day but they contributed a huge amount to my fundraising goal. I can never thank them enough. They said they were just happy to get rid of their junk but they didn't have to do that, especially since they weathered as many insults as I did from the special breed of people who are hardcore tag salers. I'm so appreciative. I'm now 66% of the way to my fundraising goal. Incredible!

And...as if that wasn't enough...my friend (and B's colleague) adopted one of the Collies from my NSAL visit pictures!!! She got a Collie puppy at the beginning of the summer and she saw the pictures on FB. Originally it was her mother who was interested in possibly getting one of them but Honey (the mother dog) ended up coming home with my friend! I'm so thrilled for them. Honey has a wonderful new home and a great mamma.

Also, my Aunt and Uncle are looking to adopt one of the older dogs that I mentioned in my NSAL pictures. There is a bus going up to the Danbury area and they are looking at the pictures online and deciding which one to add to their family. Another baby is going to get a great home! I'm ecstatic! I'd run as many marathons as it took if it meant getting all these dogs a home.

For now, I'm going to do up a rainy Sunday the way it should be done: lying around and doing nothing. Ahh....

Stepping it up

From here on out one of my weekday runs is going to go up in mileage maxing out at 10 miles during my peak week of training. Up until now I've been ahead of my training program for my weekday runs, tonight was the first time I had to add mileage. It was also the first time my weekday run was over an hour, normally I either do a set course (the hill course from hell) or I get on the treadmill for an hour and see how far I get. Tonight I had to do 6 miles. It wasn't that bad, actually. It will stay 6 for another week then it goes up to 7 for 2 weeks in a row, and so on. I see some scheduling difficulties in my future but I'll work through it.

My overall pace was 10:50 for 6.09 miles. That includes 4 minutes of walking (warmup and cooldown). I'm fine with that. I'm doing 13 miles this weekend for my long run so my pace for that is more indicative of how I'm doing than my weekday runs.

I'm having a tag sale this weekend with my friends. I have so much crap I want to get rid of and I'm putting all the proceeds toward my fundraising goal. All my stuff is priced to SELL so hopefully it will be a success. I made some signs about NSAL and my fundraising goal to put up near my stuff. I wish I had bought a NSAL t-shirt (our team racing shirts aren't in yet) to wear but the signs will make it clear why I'm there.

Motivation comes in sweet little packages

Last night I was privileged to attend a very special event at North Shore Animal League. It was a meet and greet for the runners. There are 50 of us but a lot of people are out of state and it was a Tuesday night, so there were about a dozen of us at the event.

I was kind of nervous to go. I've never been to a shelter before. Both of our dogs are rescues but we got them through foster families. I didn't know what to expect and I hoped I would be able to handle seeing all those animals in need of a home.

The people who work at NSAL are amazing. Yes, it's incredibly sad to see so many animals who need homes. But the people who work there are so upbeat and positive that these animals will all find loving homes.





They talk to the animals and take them for walks in their dog park, they make every animal feel special from the second they are admitted to the shelter. They have a tough job though. One woman teared up when she told us how NSAL worked with a shelter in Texas that was going to exterminate 43 dogs. They used all their connections and resources and within 12 hours every single one of those dogs was placed. The sad thing about those triumphs is that they are short-lived. There is always another puppy mill or kill shelter. They were telling us how excited they were to have so many empty cages because then they could fill them up again. Their job is never done.

A lot of the dogs were older. It was so sad to see them scared and shaking in their cages. Older dogs have a tough time getting adopted. No one wants the medical problems that come with an older pet. The people at NSAL don't give up though. They do a lot of education with potential owners talking about the benefits of taking in an older pet.






There were lots of puppies and younger dogs, too. Last week NSAL helped break up a big puppy mill and almost all of those puppies are already adopted. There were some pregnant dogs who were given nice quiet places to rest. This pug is ready to give birth any second.










The campus is very impressive. When I pulled in the parking lot I thought it was just the one building but there is also a stand-alone medical facility, a cat building, and a behavioral center where new animals are assessed for the appropriate type of home they need to be in.











Their newest building is called "Noah's Ark" and it's amazing. It's a giant facility where they can handle emergency situations, like mass rescues from Hurricane Katrina or the rescues from a busted puppy mill. The animals in there, sadly, are a bit traumatized from their experiences. The NSAL thought of every detail and there are medical and grooming suites within the building so those animals don't need to move around too much until they are more adjusted. This sweet girl was a rescue from another shelter. Happily, she may already have a home!

Beth Stern was there to meet us. She was super nice. She signed copies of her book to everyone and met with each of us to ask how our training was going. I didn't ask to take a picture with her which was stupid. I always feel like I'm bothering someone but I realize she was there because she's proud of the team she started, she wanted us to know her. I'm in a bunch of group pictures we took and we shot a commercial while we were there. They did a bunch of takes so I don't know which one they'll use. We all got to hold puppies for the shoot. :)

When I wrote yesterday how I was lagging in motivation this week and I hoped last night could turn it around, I meant it. And it did. Some of the volunteers at the shelter thanked us for running the marathon and said they could never run 26.2 miles. You know what? I could never do what they do. Their job is way harder and I'm going to remember that every time I feel like complaining.

Warning: lots of whining ahead

I gotta admit -- I wasn't very happy this morning when my alarm went off. I was *this close* to going back to bed. When I looked out the windows and they all had inch-thick condensation from the humidity it was even more of a reason to blow off my run. I stood there, probably longer than I should have, convincing myself that I could take today off and run tomorrow instead of doing weights. I was about to go that route but I decided that I hate the feeling of playing catch up with my workouts more than I would hate running and I was up anyway so off I went.

It. Was. Disgusting. Probably the worst it's been for a run. And I struggled. The first 2.5 miles went okay but I really had a tough time with the second third of my run. I did okay for the last part but there was a time where I looked at a big flat rock on the side of the road and thought it looked pretty comfy for a little nap. I figured B would come find me eventually. I hoped.

I have no idea what my pace was, I purposely didn't wear a watch or use my running app. I figured just being out there was effort enough. Today was not the day to get down on myself for going slow.

I'll be honest, I think the next few weeks are going to be a real struggle for me. The marathon is far enough away where there's no end any time soon. Yet the excitement of starting the training has worn off and I have had 6 weeks of training (plus all my pre-training work) to have worn me down. I hope that once I get to the halfway mark I'll feel like I've turned a corner. For now, it's dawning on me that there is no break coming, no respite. Only weeks that increase in intensity, both physically and mentally.

Tonight I'm going to an event that I hope will really motivate me. I hope to have a much less whiney post tomorrow and a whole new attitude. That's a tall order, I know, but this event just may do the trick.

Candy for runners

Part of endurance training -- in addition to finding the right shoe, the right socks, and everything else that seems to be a trial -- is finding the right fuel for a long run. It's kind of a cool thing when your runs are long enough to warrant some type of mid-exercise calories. I've read differing opinions on the threshold where you need replacement nutrition, I use the one-hour mark as a guideline. I may drink some Gatorade on runs less than an hour but I don't supplement. Over an hour though, that's where the candy comes in.

The selection of energy nutrition is amazing. Runner expos look like candy conventions with table after table of energy confections of all kinds. At one time Gatorade was a giant break-through (BTW, whatever happened to Gatorade gum? I loved that stuff when I was a kid. It was wicked sour for 2 chews and then no flavor at all. Yum.). When I started running in 2003 gels were pretty standard. I remember my first one was chocolate and it tasted like cake frosting! I was hooked! Now there are jelly beans, gummies, liquids, and so many more. There are systems for pre-workout, workout, and post-workout nutrition. Over the last few weeks I've tried out a few different things on my long runs to see what works best for me.

Right now I'm digging Clif Shot Bloks. They taste pretty good and I like the way they're packaged. The thing about gels is you have to do the whole thing all at once or it either leaks all over your pocket or you waste it. Shot Bloks come 6 in a package and while it's the same amount of calories and carbs as a gel, I like breaking it up over the course of an hour. I do a blok at every mile, I can chew it pretty quickly, and the gummy texture is pretty good. A lot of runners use caffeinated supplements with great success. There's a lot of evidence that caffeine helps you perform longer and better in endurance events. I'm a little leery of caffeine for my own use though, it makes me really jittery and I feel like I'm already putting my poor heart through enough, why push it? The orange flavor has the equivalent to 1/2 a shot of espresso which, over an hour, I seem to be able to handle. The margarita flavor is salted (of course!) and while I'm not crazy about the flavor salt-replacement is important, especially since I'm not ladylike when it comes to sweating. So on long runs I'll alternate, one mile orange, one mile margarita.

Sport Beans are pretty good. The main downside to them is that they stick together after awhile from body heat. They take a long time to chew, too. I do walk when I hydrate and supplement so I don't choke to death but I would sometimes feel like I was chewing and walking too long to be able to get them down.

I still like gels, chocolate is my favorite. I've learned that I can't do gels the whole way through a long run though. What is delicious at hour 1 becomes nauseating after it's been sloshing around in my stomach mixed with Gatorade, adrenalin, and stomach acids. NYC gives out gels at mile 18. I'll have to check what brand they are and try a few to make sure I can stomach them. Some are just disgusting. I was in a race once and took one of their gels, apple cinnamon. It was like no apple cinnamon I had ever tasted, that's for sure, and I had to spit it out. Some just don't taste good at all.

This whole supplement thing seems over the top, especially when I think that the early marathoners had NOTHING to get them through 26.2 miles. Finding the right mix of carbs and electrolytes for a non-athlete like me seems silly but, that said, I'm not willing to find out what would happen if I didn't use replacement nutrition. Until then, I'll be like everyone else trying the latest and greatest for that magical potion to get me through my runs.

Making strides

6 weeks down. A third of the way through the training. I'm happy but not congratulating myself too much -- it's just going to get harder and harder from here on out. Total mileage for the week was 24.38. It goes back up to 27ish next week.

I had a decent long run today. It was a cut-back week and I always seem to struggle with those. I think I get it into my head that it's *only* 10 miles and I expect it to be a lot easier than it is. Even though I felt like I was not at my best, my pace for the 10.09 miles was 10:46/mile, which is my best trail time yet.

I played around with stride today. I've been having issues with my right hip and my self-diagnosis is that as I've worked on getting faster my stride has gotten longer instead of my foot turnover increasing. I don't watch a lot of running on tv but when I have I always notice that the marathoners who are doing 5-minute miles never look like they're moving fast. They are incredibly efficient runners making their stride and footfall work for them to conserve energy. I would like to think that when I run I look like a graceful gazelle but, in reality, I'm probably closer to this:

So today I worked on shortening my stride and letting my foot turnover do the work. It was a weird feeling, I felt like I was scurrying like a bug, especially on the downhills. I didn't quite know what to do with my upper body since I wasn't running like my usual spastic self. I felt like I was holding myself straighter with my arms more stiffly in position. I guess that's good, I wasn't wasting energy flailing my arms around. I'll have to experiment with it more, I suppose. I don't want to get crazy trying to reinvent the wheel, not with the rest of my training on the line. It would be nice to emerge from this process as a better runner though, not just one who struggled through it.

My toenail count is 3.5. I was painting my nails the other night and realized I no longer had a pinkie toenail. So I just dabbed some nail polish on the skin where the nail would have been. It will wash off but I just didn't know what else to do. Flip-flop season is almost over anyway.

Off to enjoy the rest of the day!

Sinking in

"Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."

- Mark Twain

I went to a family party today. Almost everyone asked me how the training was going for NYC. At first I was flattered, of course, but then I felt a sense of anxiety the more I talked about it.

On the way home I thought about how many people I was going to disappoint and how I almost wished I had never told anyone of my plans because then my failure would be my own private disappointment. It was a 3-hour trip home so I returned to that thought a lot.

And then it hit me -- I don't have to be a disappointment. I don't have to fail. I can do this. I have family and friends who believe in me and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I have to believe I'm going to cross that finish line. When I decided to do a marathon this year I had a choice: train for Hartford and do it low-profile or opt for NYC -- the biggest, splashiest marathon there is -- and join Team Animal League which engaged my family and friends because I would need their support for my fundraising goals. I decided to do NYC. I must have believed in myself enough to make that big announcement, my training has gone fine so far, so why am I letting self-doubt start to derail me? I am absolutely my own worst enemy.

When we were going over the Throg's Neck on our way to Long Island my husband told me to look over to Manhattan and see the city I'd be running in. He said it because he wanted me to be quiet for 2 minutes (Me? Annoy him in the car? Never!) but it was effective nonetheless. I looked at the skyline with new interest. I've been to NYC countless times but I'm still stupid when it comes to 5-borough geography. In 84 days I will have an intimate knowledge of the city. That's pretty freaking cool.

I'm grateful so many people talked about the marathon today. I'm grateful for the kind emails and messages I've gotten. It's becoming more real and that means, slowly but surely, it's coming closer to becoming a reality. I'm lucky to have so many people who care and want me to succeed. This would be an incredibly lonely and daunting process if I didn't have such great support behind me.

I wish I hadn't done that

I didn't really have much to say today. I did my Thursday run today -- 5.78 miles (10:22/mile pace) because I have to switch up my workouts for the rest of the week because of some scheduling things. Today was the first day I felt a real anxiety about getting in my scheduled runs. I had that feeling and when I realized I have 12.5 more weeks of this, I started to feel overwhelmed.

So I went online to find a picture of the marathon. I thought it would give me a little boost and add something to this entry. This popped up and I'm so sorry I watched it.

I was tired by the time we got to mile 3! The Verrazano goes on FOREVER! What am I doing?! Am I insane?! That finish is definitely uphill, how evil is that?!

I think, someday -- not any time soon -- I will love watching this video. Like, maybe by Christmas when the marathon is over, no one wants to hear about it anymore, and I want to relive it.

I should have just looked up pictures of puppies and kitties for motivation. Seriously.

Silver fillings, lead feet

I had 2 cavities replaced today. I hate needles and I asked if I could do it without novocaine but the dentist said they were in tough spots and she didn't recommend it. I know, taking a drill over a needle doesn't make sense. Needles freak me out though, especially ones in my gum. So I got 2 silver fillings taken out and 2 white ones put in. I guess they look good, I can't open my mouth wide enough to see them.

Because I overslept today I had to run after work. I really wish I hadn't slept in because it was drizzling this morning and I think I would have liked it that compared to 85 degrees and full sun like it was at 5 pm. I didn't really eat today because of the dentist appointment and I didn't drink much either because of the novocaine (Bill Cosby, anyone?) so I wasn't feeling my best when I headed out.

It got done though, 4.42 miles, up hills, down hills, in the blazing sun. I don't know what it was but I could not pick my feet up today. Even on the downhills I felt like they were dragging. I know there's a ton of exercises to help with foot turnover, I think I might have to check them out. When I can't get my feet up I tend to slouch over which makes me even slower. I want to run tall and strong, especially on these shorter runs. Even though I struggled my overall pace was 10:59/mile. Slower than what I've been doing but given the conditions I'm okay with it.

And the worst part of the run? When I got back and was dying of thirst I couldn't chug anything because the freaking novocaine hadn't worn off yet. I'm taking teeny tiny baby sips and withering in the process. Ugh.

Another week down, lucky 13 to go!

Wrapped up week 5 today with a nice 5.10 recovery run. I went slower, my average pace was 11:10/mile and that was just fine.

The marathon is 90 days from today. That doesn't seem like long enough to get ready for it. I guess it will have to be though, no turning back now.

Total mileage for the week was 27.28. I feel good about that until I think that if I added up all my runs this week I'm just over what the mileage is for the marathon. OMG. I shouldn't even think about that.

It's another beautiful day out. I think I'll go swimming and maybe hit up Target. I need a new filter for my water pitcher but I know that's not all I'll walk out with. It's Target after all, I'm sure all kinds of crap that I don't need will end up in my cart.

Just another Saturday run

I was kind of nervous this morning getting ready for my run. I'm in the next phase of training and it's definitely getting more intense. I've been confident with my 10-milers but jumping up to 12 today was a step outside my comfort zone. On the drive to the trail I cycled through all kinds of defeating thoughts: if I can't do the 12 today I won't be able to do 13 in 2 weeks. If I can't do 13, that's only halfway, how am I going to go 26.2? And so on, and so on.

Fortunately, the weather was perfect -- in the 60s when I started, so I didn't have that to add to my list of worries. When I got going though I felt a calm come over me and I knew it would be a good run. I told myself that it was just another Saturday run and to do the best I could. I think the best favor I've been doing for myself mentally is to get out of the habit of counting down miles. If I hit the first mile marker and though "Great, 11 more to go" it would have been a LONG 11 miles. There were a lot of times I couldn't remember what mile I was on and that was really nice. There were long periods of time in my run today that I just let my head go vacant (I know, if you know me you probably think my head is vacant all the time, believe it or not there's usually *something* going on in there). I like that too. It's a cool feeling to slow down brain activity and give yourself over to pure kinetics.

It ended up being a GREAT run. 12.03 miles. I switched my route up a little and did 4 miles out-and-back in one direction so I could refill my bottle with gatorade at mile 8 and do the last 4 as an out-and-back in the opposite direction. That was a nice change of scenery and it broke the run up into smaller, manageable sections. I was glad I did that because I drank almost as much in the last 4 miles as I did for the first 8. Makes sense, the longer I'm out there the more dehydrated I'm getting. My overall pace was 10:50/mile which I'm thrilled about since that's about what it was last week and I added 2 extra miles on for distance. It actually would have been a few seconds faster because it took me over 2 minutes to make that refill stop. That's okay though, anything under 11 is great for me, especially as the distances get longer. I'm seeing consistency in my pace and that gives me hope for that 11 min/mile pace I'm shooting for at NYC.

Here's my route with some nice hillwork for a long run:

And here's my splits:

My splits all look pretty good, mile 9 is high because that includes my refill stop. Other than that, it's pretty consistent. Oddly, my best mile was the last one where I usually slow down because I'm tired. That gives me hope too.

Now for some deck time with my Coolata (my Saturday indulgence) and a book. Nice.

Is it the weekend already?

I feel like it should be. Except the weekend is no reprieve. If anything, I'm going to start dreading weekends as my long run gets crazier and crazier. I've been so tired this week, I didn't do either of my runs in the morning, they were both after work. That's good and bad. Good that I saw it through and got them done regardless of the time of day, bad because I don't want to get out of the morning habit that I was just beginning to develop. I did get up early for weights yesterday though. I'll have to get up at 5 tomorrow if I'm going to get my second cross training day in because I have to go to Stamford. Thrilled about that.

Tonight's run was a good one: 5.76 miles in 60 minutes including 4 minutes of walking for warmup and cooldown. That averages out to be 10:25/mile, which I'll happily take.

I need to make a massage appointment. Mmmm...

Someone else is having a rough day too

Oh boy. What a day. I got up this morning in the worst mood. I didn't want to keep sleeping but I didn't want to get up either. And I KNEW I didn't want to run. I just wished the world would go away for awhile.

I dragged myself to work and dealt with one blow to my esteem after another. It's always fun to be caught in the middle of a power struggle that I have no stake in and could care less about. It was a bad day, I'll just leave it at that.

When I got home I had a choice: run, do weights and run tomorrow instead, or do nothing. I knew I'd feel even worse if I did nothing. I didn't feel like going into the basement for an hour to do weights. So I ran.

It was a nice run, there was a decent breeze and I think this will probably be the last day this week without humidity so I'm glad I did it. I didn't bring a watch and didn't use my running app. It's nice to take a break from trying to beat the clock. I don't think it's that I do much worse when I don't keep track of time but it is nice to not think about pace or splits. It's nice to run just for the sake of running. In 14 weeks this training will be over and the marathon will be what it will be. I'd like to think I'm going to continue running and it's going to have to be because I genuinely enjoy it. Having a run on a beautiful summer evening shakes off the stress of the day. That's ultimately why I need to keep running. Medals are great but the physical and mental benefits are far more important.

Since I wasn't concerned about pace tonight I took the time to stop and smell the manure. I see these cows all the time and I thought I'd take a picture of them. I was focused on the one in front because he seemed really annoyed that I was there. He was giving me the total stink eye and stamping his front leg. However, when I uploaded this picture to crop it, I realized someone in the back was having an even worse day than I was. Oh, my!

Sneaker Stories

I am in possession of probably the last two pairs of Adidas Supernova Classics in size 8.5 in existence. To understand why this is such a huge deal, I have to explain the saga of the running shoe.

When I first started running in 2003 I had no idea about the importance of a running shoe. I ran my first 5K in a pair of Skechers that had a slingback. When I told my aunt she was horrified. She said I needed a real pair of running shoes ASAP. So, not knowing a thing about shoes, I went to where anyone goes to look for a shoe -- DSW. I tried on a few pairs and eventually decided on a pair of New Balance. I think I chose them because they had a lime green logo. They felt good when I put them on but it's not like I was going to run up and down the aisles of DSW testing them out. I also didn't know that it's a good idea to size up for running shoes because of the extra room your toes need. I found that out fairly quickly though -- after my first week with those shoes I watched with curiosity and horror as one of my toenails turned black. If that wasn't bad enough, it fell off a week later. Terrified, I asked someone at work who was a runner if that had ever happened and she said "Oh yeah, all the time. Congratulations. You're a real runner now." While I was honored to have engaged in a time-honored, albeit disgusting rite of passage, I ditched the shoes.

My second pair of running shoes were some ridiculously expensive Asics. By this time, I had learned that you should go to a running store and let someone who knows what they're talking about help you. The guy there was nice enough, he looked at my feet, watched me run a few strides barefoot in the store, and told me I wasn't a pronator so I didn't need a motion control shoe. He had me try on a few and the Asics seemed to have the most cushioning so even though they were almost twice as much as my DSW toenail specials, I got them. My aunt, the one who was horrified at my 5K footwear choice, told me to never feel bad about the cost of a good running shoe since it's the only thing between you and the pavement. Seemed to make sense to me. Once I got past the break-in stage, however, I realized I hated those shoes. First, they were ugly, something I never got over especially for that price. More importantly, they didn't have the arch support that I felt I needed and after a few miles the top of my foot would hurt like hell. I never figured out what the problem was, I tried lacing them a different way, tried different socks, but they just weren't the shoe for me. I still wore them on shorter runs only because they cost so much but I never liked them.

Then I found out about roadrunnersports.com. Their catalog promised the perfect shoe after speaking with one of their reps so I gave it a shot. The guy I spoke with was very nice and, based on everything I told him, he recommended the Adidas Supernova Classic. In the Supernova spectrum, they were the cheapest model so I felt like maybe this guy was actually steering me to the right shoe, not just trying to make a good sale. They came a few days later and it was love at first run. Good cushioning, snug heel, excellent arch support, roomy toe box, and they weren't ugly! I wore many pairs of Supernova Classics faithfully until I stopped running in 2006.

Last year when I was flirting with the idea of getting back into running I happened to be out in San Francisco and went to the Adidas superstore to buy some new sneakers. They were doing a free hi-tech foot analysis so I did the barefoot thing again, this time on an infrared mat, and nothing had changed -- still wasn't a pronator, medium-to-high arches. I asked the salesman for some Supernova Classics and he all but laughed at me. By this point there were 5 or 6 different Supernovas (plus all their other lines) and apparently the Classic was not the way to go with so many new, redesigned models. He convinced me that one of their other Supernovas (can't remember the name) was like the Classic but better. And no surprise, more expensive. But I believed him and got a pair. Take a wild guess how it turned out: I hated them. I wear them to walk the dogs but they are definitely NOT the Classic.

In early Spring I was lucky enough to score 2 pairs of Classics at the Adidas outlet marked down to $39.99 with an additional 20% off. It was like hitting the lottery! When the girl was cashing me out I asked with trepidation if being on clearance meant they were discontinued. She looked up the style number and relayed the tragic news that, indeed, they were discontinued. I was dejected but not overly concerned -- at the time I was just getting back into running. NYC wasn't even a thought.

About 6 weeks ago I had the terrifying realization that those 2 beloved pairs of Supernovas that I currently rotate weren't going to last all through the Summer, Fall, and get me through the marathon. I went onto roadrunnersports.com and they had 2 pairs left in my size, I put them in my cart, checked out, and an hour later got an apologetic email from them saying that they no longer had them in stock and wouldn't be getting them in. Panicked, I went to the last place anyone wants to resort to in desperate times -- eBay. It took awhile but I found 2 pairs and snatched them up. I feel okay now. The panic has passed. I'll start to rotate them in near the end of the summer and they should take me through the marathon.

I'm sad I'll have to find another shoe but I can deal with that after the marathon. Not now. Not in the next 14 weeks. Knock wood -- my feet have felt fine so far. I can't fathom trying to find a new sneaker model to get me through the training. So I will cherish those last 2 pairs of Supernova Classics and I will be terribly sad when they've had their last run.

4 weeks down!

I wrapped up Week 4 with a nice 5.16 mile recovery run this morning. I took it slower because my right hip felt really stiff yesterday afternoon. Going slower seems to have done the job because I feel fine right now. My total mileage for the week was 25.06. Mileage on the official training program was 19 so I am still doing well for being ahead of the curve and I don't feel like I'm dying in the process.

I also got both my cross training days in so it was an excellent week for training. I hope next week is as good.

The next 4 weeks will have my long runs move up to 10-13 miles. I feel like I can handle that. Midweek runs move up to 4 and 5 miles but I've been doing that anyway so this is where the program catches up to me. I'm nervous about that because it's been a nice feeling to be ahead of the game. The next 4 weeks will be about maintaining what I've been doing and after that the mileage goes up and up. I just hope I'm not struggling every week and the training gets away from me. I'm trying to break it down into manageable 4-week segments. Right now I'm enjoying my runs and I haven't had to play too many mental games with myself to get them in. That will change by the end. I can psyche myself right out of this if I'm not careful. I've done it before.

In non-running stuff, I am SO enjoying chocolate glazed donut K-cups. I make 2 at night in a martini shaker and put it in the fridge for the next morning. I've also gone back to real sugar which makes it even more delicious. Why not? I'm burning it off. Life is short, have real sugar.