We went to xfit tonight. I checked the WOD last night online and it seemed like something I could do: 3 rounds of 10 deadlifts, 20 pull ups, and 400 meter run. I knew I could scale the deadlift weight back to something that wouldn't hurt, I knew I could go back to using the green and blue band for the pullups so I wouldn't stretch anything that shouldn't be stretched, and I knew I could do the 3 runs. Having my husband go to xfit with me has become the greatest thing for me. I know I always have someone who is going to encourage me, motivate me, and celebrate my successes. Going back after surgery has added another level of security: I know he's watching out for me to make sure I don't hurt myself.
When we set up our barbells I felt like a wimp. The women's RX weight was 185, which is really high for 30 DLs but I had my bar set at 65 lbs. I just didn't want to risk pulling anything. It was all guys in the class and they had their bars set anywhere from 150 lbs to 275! There was no way I was competing with that and it's not like anyone expected me to.
The WOD was great. I ripped through the first 2 sets of pullups I'm not used to having that extra band. The deadlifts didn't hurt. The runs were a good cardio blast. I felt like 6 weeks and 1 day out from surgery I was on my way to rebuilding my xfit base.
Afterwards we went grocery shopping and my abdomen felt kind of tender. When I got home I looked and it's definitely swollen. I don't think it's anything serious, I never felt any pain during the WOD like I had hurt myself. I think it's just swelling from pushing a little harder than maybe I should have. I hope it's back to normal tomorrow morning. It's a reminder that my body has been through a huge ordeal and as much as *I* want to be done with this I have to still respect the healing process.
I'm glad tomorrow is a rest day from working out. I have big things this weekend. If I have to go slow, I go slow. Finishing slow is better than not finishing at all. "Listen to your body" is always a tenet of fitness. I really need to heed that advice.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
TNRC
Our Tuesday Night Running Club is gaining momentum! We had a great time last night and got to celebrate our newest member's engagement in the process (congrats, Deb!!). It was the weirdest weather, it was cold and humid at the same time. I was slimy and had goosebumps at the same time. So gross. I felt like I was struggling a lot in the first mile but it ended up being a great run, my strongest yet. We did 4.77 miles and if we hadn't stopped at the end to talk for a few minutes with some people from Xfit who were running in the opposite direction our overall pace would have been in the mid-11s. All our miles were at a nice pace, certainly my best since surgery.
This was doing a 5 min running/2 min walking intervals the whole time. That's really not bad at all. We're going to keep working upward, next week we'll do 6/2, etc. Since we all have to build endurance for the Mudder in a relatively short time I proposed this method because it's worked for me before. The pace will come down eventually, it always does.
When we were getting ready to leave everyone had their headphones, probably out of habit. One of the women said "you're bringing headphones? I thought we'd be chatting." Of course we would be. I think it's new for all of us to not make running a solitary thing. Since there were 4 of us there was always someone to talk to and at the end when Deb and I moved ahead a little from the rest of our group (I was feeling strong and happy to take advantage of it!) I got to chat more with her.
I think this is going to be a regular thing. We're all seeing the benefits of running with other people. If the weather is shitty (and it has been the last 2 weeks) we all keep going instead of turning around. If we're tired there is someone to boost you up and tell you to keep going.
Today I did 3 because I go back to work tomorrow and I'm fairly certain I won't be getting up early (as if) nor will I want to do it when I get home. That works out well because that gives me Thursday and Friday to get ready for the weekend: the Tuff Scrambler on Saturday and then my long run on Sunday. I *might* do Xfit on Friday night but I'll modify it again until I'm fully comfortable. Now that I know the dissolvable stitches really are dissolving at this timepoint (6-8 weeks) I'm still afraid to do some of the aggressive movements. I miss those aggressive movements, like toes to bar or nice, heavy kettlebell swings but until I am sure I'm not going to rip something inside there's no need to push it. Running is the focus until January anyway.
That said, I'm not looking forward to Sunday. I didn't get a taper week because I was making up for lost time but it is what it is. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to keep happening. I'm realizing that if I was able to bounce back from surgery and 4 weeks off from everything and am making progress my heart and spirit will carry me through the runs that my legs don't want to. At least I hope...
This was doing a 5 min running/2 min walking intervals the whole time. That's really not bad at all. We're going to keep working upward, next week we'll do 6/2, etc. Since we all have to build endurance for the Mudder in a relatively short time I proposed this method because it's worked for me before. The pace will come down eventually, it always does.
When we were getting ready to leave everyone had their headphones, probably out of habit. One of the women said "you're bringing headphones? I thought we'd be chatting." Of course we would be. I think it's new for all of us to not make running a solitary thing. Since there were 4 of us there was always someone to talk to and at the end when Deb and I moved ahead a little from the rest of our group (I was feeling strong and happy to take advantage of it!) I got to chat more with her.
I think this is going to be a regular thing. We're all seeing the benefits of running with other people. If the weather is shitty (and it has been the last 2 weeks) we all keep going instead of turning around. If we're tired there is someone to boost you up and tell you to keep going.
Today I did 3 because I go back to work tomorrow and I'm fairly certain I won't be getting up early (as if) nor will I want to do it when I get home. That works out well because that gives me Thursday and Friday to get ready for the weekend: the Tuff Scrambler on Saturday and then my long run on Sunday. I *might* do Xfit on Friday night but I'll modify it again until I'm fully comfortable. Now that I know the dissolvable stitches really are dissolving at this timepoint (6-8 weeks) I'm still afraid to do some of the aggressive movements. I miss those aggressive movements, like toes to bar or nice, heavy kettlebell swings but until I am sure I'm not going to rip something inside there's no need to push it. Running is the focus until January anyway.
That said, I'm not looking forward to Sunday. I didn't get a taper week because I was making up for lost time but it is what it is. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to keep happening. I'm realizing that if I was able to bounce back from surgery and 4 weeks off from everything and am making progress my heart and spirit will carry me through the runs that my legs don't want to. At least I hope...
Monday, September 26, 2011
A plunge into normal
I went for a follow up appointment today. My surgeon is so sweet, I really like her. She's happy with the healing and said I have "good contours" 6 weeks out. I guess that's good. Maybe I'll have better ones to come. Haha! We talked again about my hips and while the swelling has started to come down I have 2 pointy scars where the skin where the 2 incisions came together on each hip. I can live with scarring but they are right above my hip line where my workout clothes would be and they poke out. I hadn't decided if I should be distraught over it because I just decided last week to see what happens before getting any more depressed.
Turns out, I don't even need to sweat this one. My surgeon said they should flatten out but if they don't by 6 months she can fix them with local anesthetic and a small incision in the office. She said it's a tradeoff with the surgery, either she extends the incision further back on the hip or does it this way and usually they go away. I was so relieved that it's a little fix and something she said she would be happy to do for me. If that issue goes away I will be in such a better place with all of this because I'm starting to like the results now that the swelling is starting to go down and I am returning to workouts. I can't this enough: this procedure was a total mindf*ck and continues to be. It's not like on tv, that's for sure.
I think we're just days away from my new blog! I saw the revised header today and I'm loving it! It will be a good time to start something new, even if I end up talking about the same crap anyway.
The "Tuesday Night Running Club" as it's now been called is supposed to go again tomorrow. I would happily trade seconds on pace for laughs. I can see why people train together now. I have a shitload of it ahead of me so getting to break it up with companions is going to be a really nice change for me.
This Saturday my friend and I are doing this:
What the hell was I thinking? This is my first event back? HAHAHA! No better way to get into the swing of things for the Mudder than to jump right in. This will make my long run on Sunday extra enjoyable! :) This is the life I wanted, can't complain now!
Turns out, I don't even need to sweat this one. My surgeon said they should flatten out but if they don't by 6 months she can fix them with local anesthetic and a small incision in the office. She said it's a tradeoff with the surgery, either she extends the incision further back on the hip or does it this way and usually they go away. I was so relieved that it's a little fix and something she said she would be happy to do for me. If that issue goes away I will be in such a better place with all of this because I'm starting to like the results now that the swelling is starting to go down and I am returning to workouts. I can't this enough: this procedure was a total mindf*ck and continues to be. It's not like on tv, that's for sure.
I think we're just days away from my new blog! I saw the revised header today and I'm loving it! It will be a good time to start something new, even if I end up talking about the same crap anyway.
The "Tuesday Night Running Club" as it's now been called is supposed to go again tomorrow. I would happily trade seconds on pace for laughs. I can see why people train together now. I have a shitload of it ahead of me so getting to break it up with companions is going to be a really nice change for me.
This Saturday my friend and I are doing this:
What the hell was I thinking? This is my first event back? HAHAHA! No better way to get into the swing of things for the Mudder than to jump right in. This will make my long run on Sunday extra enjoyable! :) This is the life I wanted, can't complain now!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The long haul
That's what today was. It felt like I was breathing in soup, wearing soup, and running through soup. For someone who's been back at running a whole 2 weeks now it was quite a challenge. But...it got done.
7 miles. Not fast, not pretty, but 7 miles. We started out with 3 of us but one of the woman had to be back for her kids so she did 4 with us. We all immediately felt the drain of the air quality. It's not just the lungs, it gets into your muscles -- everything! If I wasn't with my friend it would have been a much rougher time but, as always, she keeps me going and motivates me to be stronger. I used to think I could only run listening to music but now that I'm running with my friend more and more I don't want to listen to music. I love our chats as we're slogging through the mucky air. I'm going to miss her next week when I do 9 alone on Sunday. :(
I finally wrote out my training schedule for Goofy. I had to do it 3 times because, apparently, it's harder to count out 18 weeks than you'd think. I knew I missed the first week but now I think I have it all squared away. You know what? I'm hating it. I know all too well this feeling of unrelenting pressure for EIGHTEEN WEEKS of living under a strict schedule. Every long run is critical because it's a set up for the one the following week. And the week after.
I read through some blog entries from last year to see where the stress of the training schedule started to get to me. It was week 6. As soon as the long runs all got over 10 miles and the mid-length run started to creep up I felt like I was under incredible pressure that wouldn't end for another 3 months. That's a LONG time. Last year I wasn't coming off of major (yes, I'm going to keep saying it now that I have lived through it) surgery and 4 weeks off. I was strong when I started and I was well ahead of the long runs for the first month. The schedule had to catch up to me, not the other way around. This time is different. I'm starting weakened, both in body and spirit. I also don't have the flexibility of swapping out long runs on Saturday or Sunday from this point forward. The key to Goofy training (so I'm told) is to do your Saturday run half the distance of the long run on Sunday. That prepares you for the half followed by the full. I used to like to get my long runs over with on Saturday but I don't have that luxury this time.
And then there's scheduling in general. I live in fear of stuff coming up on the weekends that is going to screw with my schedule. This was the end of week 3 (my week 2) -- that's 15 more weeks of hoping that nothing comes up that gets in the way of training. Almost impossible. Whenever a work project comes up that involves travel I freak out, not because I have to work but because I don't know how I'll get my runs in.
All of this is incredibly daunting and I'll be on the edge by week 9 for sure. But I signed up for it again. I guess my memory was short of how tedious training got by the end last time. Then again, people run marathons all the time, multiple ones in a year. People miss long runs because life is unpredictable. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed last year at one point and thinking that there was no way that all 42,000 people doing NYC had followed a training program to the letter the entire time. It's impossible.
Today's run was good. It showed me I still have discipline. I still have the strength to pull off a decent length run in less than ideal conditions. I can still run when I'm sore and tired (Xfit last night and female issues). I can still focus on a goal that's months away and work for it. I'll need to call on that strength many, many more times in the next 15 weeks. This time is different though: I trust that I can do it and I have friends to help me get there.
Now that I'm feeling stronger and *almost* recovered, I have to make a few changes to training.
1) Hill work once a week. Disney is flat but hill work has never done me wrong for getting stronger and faster
2) Stick with the 2nd longest run on Saturday and the long run on Sunday, no matter how much I hate it
3) Figure out what the magic formula for Xfit vs running is (easier said than done)
I can't say I'm really looking forward to the next 15 weeks knowing how soul-sucking some of those long runs are going to be but I am looking forward to crossing off another goal off my list and becoming a Goofy Challenge finisher.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Remembering why I did this
I'm 5 weeks and 2 days out from surgery. I have a follow up appointment on Monday which is right around the 6 week mark where I think you magically get cleared for everything. Not that I think even at 6 weeks I should be swinging kettlebells and doing power snatches but -- back to the ongoing debate, my "normal" vs the surgeon's "normal." I've figured that all out for myself and I know the 6 weeks is an arbitrary thing. Nothing magic is going to happen on that day.
Tonight my husband was going to Xfit and he thought I should come, even if to just warm up with the group and see everyone. I had the excuse that the housecleaners were coming and they wouldn't be gone by the time we would have to go. Either my house is really filthy or they just came from a really big job because there were 5 of them this week. They were done with the whole house in under an hour. Which meant I could go.
It was total role reversal for me to be so nervous getting ready for Xfit while my husband calmly sat on the bed. He has adapted so well to Xfit and I'm so proud of him. I know he wouldn't be there if it weren't for me so if he believed I could (and should) at least go stretch or do something at the box while the WOD was going on I trusted him.
I've been to the box once before, for the 31 Heroes WOD. I was still hunched over and had a drain in. Today I was in workout clothes. When the owner saw me she was so happy and asked if I was there to WOD. I told her I'd do what I could and she said that was absolutely fine. I saw some other friends and they told me how great I looked and how happy they were I was back. If that doesn't give you motivation I don't know what does.
The warmup was a mile run. B and I headed out and I told him I might need to take walk breaks. I felt bad for slowing him up but he stayed with me the entire time. I didn't walk once. My first full mile since surgery.
The WOD was descending sets of 10-8-6-4-2 power cleans, 20-16-12-8-4 pistols, and 30-30-30-30-30 double unders. I tried a few jump ropes and I didn't feel really comfortable with it so I asked Elayne what I could sub out. We decided 200 meter runs for each round. I did the power cleans (my favorite weightlifting move) with just the 15 lb bar. When you do it right it's such a violent movement that I didn't want to risk hurting myself. The pistols are such a hard move anyway and not feeling very stable on the way down made me worry about falling so Elayne subbed out air squats for me.
Even with the modifications it was a SOLID workout for me, 5.5 weeks since the last time I went to Xfit. I felt good on the runs, I wanted to go heavy on the power cleans and, well, the pistols are what they are. I wouldn't be good at them even if I weren't recovering from surgery.
B was really proud of me but I was proud of myself. Really. It was scary to go back no matter how much I love Xfit. Training harder was one of the reasons I said I was doing this and I feel I need to make good on that promise to myself. It will take time before I feel safe and comfortable going all out but I feel like I have the confidence to do it. I usually layer a long tank under a t-shirt to try to cover my stomach and I just wore a t-shirt tonight. That was a new kind of freedom for me. Workout clothes hide nothing anyway but to not have to *try* to hide something was pretty great.
Tomorrow we're running 7. I am a little worried that I'll be tapped out from tonight but I've performed under worse conditions. I'm not at the point where I'm even thinking about pace anyway, I'm just happy to be working on endurance and getting those miles in so I can cross that Disney finish line TWICE.
Tonight my husband was going to Xfit and he thought I should come, even if to just warm up with the group and see everyone. I had the excuse that the housecleaners were coming and they wouldn't be gone by the time we would have to go. Either my house is really filthy or they just came from a really big job because there were 5 of them this week. They were done with the whole house in under an hour. Which meant I could go.
It was total role reversal for me to be so nervous getting ready for Xfit while my husband calmly sat on the bed. He has adapted so well to Xfit and I'm so proud of him. I know he wouldn't be there if it weren't for me so if he believed I could (and should) at least go stretch or do something at the box while the WOD was going on I trusted him.
I've been to the box once before, for the 31 Heroes WOD. I was still hunched over and had a drain in. Today I was in workout clothes. When the owner saw me she was so happy and asked if I was there to WOD. I told her I'd do what I could and she said that was absolutely fine. I saw some other friends and they told me how great I looked and how happy they were I was back. If that doesn't give you motivation I don't know what does.
The warmup was a mile run. B and I headed out and I told him I might need to take walk breaks. I felt bad for slowing him up but he stayed with me the entire time. I didn't walk once. My first full mile since surgery.
The WOD was descending sets of 10-8-6-4-2 power cleans, 20-16-12-8-4 pistols, and 30-30-30-30-30 double unders. I tried a few jump ropes and I didn't feel really comfortable with it so I asked Elayne what I could sub out. We decided 200 meter runs for each round. I did the power cleans (my favorite weightlifting move) with just the 15 lb bar. When you do it right it's such a violent movement that I didn't want to risk hurting myself. The pistols are such a hard move anyway and not feeling very stable on the way down made me worry about falling so Elayne subbed out air squats for me.
Even with the modifications it was a SOLID workout for me, 5.5 weeks since the last time I went to Xfit. I felt good on the runs, I wanted to go heavy on the power cleans and, well, the pistols are what they are. I wouldn't be good at them even if I weren't recovering from surgery.
B was really proud of me but I was proud of myself. Really. It was scary to go back no matter how much I love Xfit. Training harder was one of the reasons I said I was doing this and I feel I need to make good on that promise to myself. It will take time before I feel safe and comfortable going all out but I feel like I have the confidence to do it. I usually layer a long tank under a t-shirt to try to cover my stomach and I just wore a t-shirt tonight. That was a new kind of freedom for me. Workout clothes hide nothing anyway but to not have to *try* to hide something was pretty great.
Tomorrow we're running 7. I am a little worried that I'll be tapped out from tonight but I've performed under worse conditions. I'm not at the point where I'm even thinking about pace anyway, I'm just happy to be working on endurance and getting those miles in so I can cross that Disney finish line TWICE.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The whole package
Games were on again tonight. ESPN2 broadcasting the replays is like watching the Super Bowl for us. I went over a friend's from Xfit and she cooked a nice dinner for everyone. It was great to see everyone but listening to everyone talk about the competitions they're entering or the WOD they just did was hard. I feel like I've missed so much already.
If watching the Games will do nothing it will make you believe anything is possible. These are top-notch, world-class athletes but when you get to learn a little about who they are not all of them have been hardcore athletes all their lives. Some come from a tri background, or power lifting, or gymnastics -- but no one person can come from all those backgrounds. That's Xfit: adapting, capitalizing on your strengths, working on your weaknesses. Now that I'm paying close attention to the Xfit "names" it's interesting how no one person dominates every event, every time. Tonight I saw last year's women's champion struggle on the monkey bars and a woman who I hadn't noticed during last week's broadcast own those same bars. Even the best of the best have their weaknesses but they keep trying and keep working to be the whole package.
So I can get bummed about missing some time and feeling a little lost but I'm not going to. Every day something great can happen and my days are coming. I have a list of things I want to work on over this next year. If I hadn't been a witness to my own life and what I have achieved in the last year I'd think my goals are crazy. I know they aren't though. It's just a matter of time.
If watching the Games will do nothing it will make you believe anything is possible. These are top-notch, world-class athletes but when you get to learn a little about who they are not all of them have been hardcore athletes all their lives. Some come from a tri background, or power lifting, or gymnastics -- but no one person can come from all those backgrounds. That's Xfit: adapting, capitalizing on your strengths, working on your weaknesses. Now that I'm paying close attention to the Xfit "names" it's interesting how no one person dominates every event, every time. Tonight I saw last year's women's champion struggle on the monkey bars and a woman who I hadn't noticed during last week's broadcast own those same bars. Even the best of the best have their weaknesses but they keep trying and keep working to be the whole package.
So I can get bummed about missing some time and feeling a little lost but I'm not going to. Every day something great can happen and my days are coming. I have a list of things I want to work on over this next year. If I hadn't been a witness to my own life and what I have achieved in the last year I'd think my goals are crazy. I know they aren't though. It's just a matter of time.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
"...Oh, I wish..."
More positivity today. I know, scary! It's not that yesterday *wasn't* positive, I just didn't have anything to say. Today, however, was an exceptionally positive day so here I am.
I have been in love with the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile since I was a kid. I'd never actually seen it before though. Everyone I know has but not me. Last week I finally spotted it heading South on the highway while I was going North. It was the briefest of glimpses but it made me so happy.
On Sunday when I was coming home I spotted it again! Twice in one week! Being that we can't enjoy anything as a society anymore unless it has a FB page or it's on Twitter, I looked it up and started following their tweets. This morning they tweeted they would be at a grocery store and I had to go sort of that direction anyway so I decided to go get my picture with the weinermobile! And I did!
Let me tell you, I was way happier about it than the kids in line in front of me. Children appreciate nothing. Hmph. I told the Hotdogger I had waited almost 40 years to see the Weinermobile and how happy I was. A guy behind me overheard me and didn't believe I was almost 40 and kept asking strangers "Does she look 40 to you?" Kind of embarrassing. Kind of flattering. I didn't care, I was at the Weinermobile!
They gave me a sticker, 2 postcards, the sheet music of the songs, and a Weinermobile Whistle! How cool is that?
It's a really competitive internship to become a Hotdogger. I actually looked it up years ago when I wanted to change careers. It's for college seniors and they have to put together their own business and PR plan for their Weinermobile. The kid was happy when I said I came because I saw the tweet.
Tonight I went running with my friend who did the 6 miles with me and her SIL (who also goes to Xfit). We were slow but we got our 4 miles in. It was windy and humid by the shore but we got through it. The bugs were out of control. It was kind of like this, minus the dinosaur.
We talked a lot about Xfit since it was the 3 of us and I have to say I'm scared shitless to go back. It's not even the "Ugh, I'm going to be so sore the first 2 weeks" fear. I can deal with that. Just the thought of doing a burpee makes me want to take a pain pill. A power clean would rip me in half. The other day I put my pullup bar back in the doorframe and just reaching up to it and *beginning* to transfer weight to my hands started to stretch my abdomen way too much for my comfort. There is really nothing we do in Xfit that doesn't work the hell out of your core. That's good -- because when I can get back to it and I actually have an abdomen now instead of a blob of skin I may actually see some benefits. But, wow, I'm really scared. I'll just do what I can and go at it at the pace I feel comfortable with. I won't be putting my name on the whiteboard for awhile but I'm okay with that. If this hellish process has taught me nothing it's that things take time.
I have been in love with the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile since I was a kid. I'd never actually seen it before though. Everyone I know has but not me. Last week I finally spotted it heading South on the highway while I was going North. It was the briefest of glimpses but it made me so happy.
On Sunday when I was coming home I spotted it again! Twice in one week! Being that we can't enjoy anything as a society anymore unless it has a FB page or it's on Twitter, I looked it up and started following their tweets. This morning they tweeted they would be at a grocery store and I had to go sort of that direction anyway so I decided to go get my picture with the weinermobile! And I did!
Let me tell you, I was way happier about it than the kids in line in front of me. Children appreciate nothing. Hmph. I told the Hotdogger I had waited almost 40 years to see the Weinermobile and how happy I was. A guy behind me overheard me and didn't believe I was almost 40 and kept asking strangers "Does she look 40 to you?" Kind of embarrassing. Kind of flattering. I didn't care, I was at the Weinermobile!
They gave me a sticker, 2 postcards, the sheet music of the songs, and a Weinermobile Whistle! How cool is that?
It's a really competitive internship to become a Hotdogger. I actually looked it up years ago when I wanted to change careers. It's for college seniors and they have to put together their own business and PR plan for their Weinermobile. The kid was happy when I said I came because I saw the tweet.
Tonight I went running with my friend who did the 6 miles with me and her SIL (who also goes to Xfit). We were slow but we got our 4 miles in. It was windy and humid by the shore but we got through it. The bugs were out of control. It was kind of like this, minus the dinosaur.
We talked a lot about Xfit since it was the 3 of us and I have to say I'm scared shitless to go back. It's not even the "Ugh, I'm going to be so sore the first 2 weeks" fear. I can deal with that. Just the thought of doing a burpee makes me want to take a pain pill. A power clean would rip me in half. The other day I put my pullup bar back in the doorframe and just reaching up to it and *beginning* to transfer weight to my hands started to stretch my abdomen way too much for my comfort. There is really nothing we do in Xfit that doesn't work the hell out of your core. That's good -- because when I can get back to it and I actually have an abdomen now instead of a blob of skin I may actually see some benefits. But, wow, I'm really scared. I'll just do what I can and go at it at the pace I feel comfortable with. I won't be putting my name on the whiteboard for awhile but I'm okay with that. If this hellish process has taught me nothing it's that things take time.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
And on the 7th day...
Today's positive thing is this:
It's not that I did anything exceptional today. It's not that I woke up and my swelling was gone and I looked fantastic. It's that I came home after a week of housesitting, got in my bed with my dogs, put on the tv, and rested. I'm not looking at that as being lazy, I'm looking at it as knowing what I need and doing it without feeling bad.
I have fitness plans for the week to keep building back my strength and stamina little by little but in order to make that happen rest is important too. It's mandatory. It's necessary anyway in a training program, it's essential recovering from surgery. I accept that, I embrace that, and I look at it as a step in getting stronger, not a setback.
Look at me, thinking all rationally and stuff. Where was this chick last week when I needed her?
It's not that I did anything exceptional today. It's not that I woke up and my swelling was gone and I looked fantastic. It's that I came home after a week of housesitting, got in my bed with my dogs, put on the tv, and rested. I'm not looking at that as being lazy, I'm looking at it as knowing what I need and doing it without feeling bad.
I have fitness plans for the week to keep building back my strength and stamina little by little but in order to make that happen rest is important too. It's mandatory. It's necessary anyway in a training program, it's essential recovering from surgery. I accept that, I embrace that, and I look at it as a step in getting stronger, not a setback.
Look at me, thinking all rationally and stuff. Where was this chick last week when I needed her?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
On the move
What am I feeling positive about today?
That, baby. With good reason.
I was really nervous to get back out there. After nursing myself on the treadmill this week I was afraid to leave the safety of the basement and experience the road and hills again. I never used to give much thought to "what the hell happens if I get far away from home and can't make it back?" but that thought crossed my mind a lot once these plans for today were made. I honestly don't think I would have gone if my friend wasn't doing it with me. I got to our starting point first and I sat on a park bench questioning everything -- was I ready? Would I even be able to walk it? What happened if I didn't do it? What did that mean for the Tough Mudder and Goofy? When my friend got there I joked that I was already done so I was just going to go eat a bagel across the street. She said that was fine, she was going home. And with that, we knew it was now or never.
We got going and we picked a good strategy for intervals. We stayed with it the entire time, all 6 miles. I think that was a pleasant surprise for both of us. This was my friend's longest run so far and this was my re-entry into a training schedule. While both of us would have walked the entire thing for each other and never given it a second thought we seemed to have an unspoken agreement that we weren't going to let that happen today. We had a lot on the line and I think we fed off of each other's nervousness and determination to make it a resounding success.
We did this course back in June at the Branford Road Race. I remember a part of the race where my friend was not having a good time and we were making deals to get from one telephone pole to the next. Today we ran the entire length of that hill. The smile that broke out on her face when we crested the hill was one of the best things I've ever experienced on a run. Even better, when we were running up another hill her sister drove by and beeped. It was an incredible comeback for both of us -- her to a course that gave her a rough time just a few months ago, me to running after (as I'm now realizing) major surgery.
And with that, I'm on track for my training program for January. Even though today wasn't my fastest or strongest it was still well under the sweep time for Disney and that's okay with me. I hope (and expect) to get stronger and faster in the next 16 weeks and run 2 decent races at Disney but I also don't want to be hobbling around the parks for the rest of the week and ruin my vacation. Disney is such a low-key race. Sure, plenty of people run it for a Boston Qualifier because it's fast and flat but there's far more people who run it to be able to stop for a photo op with Jack Sparrow or Chip and Dale. The people I saw finishing around the 6 hour mark seemed just as happy as the ones who shot by at the 2. I think it's going to be just fine.
So I'm feeling good. For real.
Also, I think the hot tub sessions are really helping with the muscle discomfort. Every day is a new adventure in the mirror but today I noticed my scar line is higher. While that isn't something I'm thrilled about it means that I am standing up straighter and it's probably finally moving to where it will end up. She did tell me hip to hip and for the last 4 weeks it was surprisingly low but that's because I was hunched over and it had nowhere to go. I have a feeling things will be on the move every day now that I'm making a reasonable return to physical activity. This should be interesting if nothing else.
That, baby. With good reason.
I was really nervous to get back out there. After nursing myself on the treadmill this week I was afraid to leave the safety of the basement and experience the road and hills again. I never used to give much thought to "what the hell happens if I get far away from home and can't make it back?" but that thought crossed my mind a lot once these plans for today were made. I honestly don't think I would have gone if my friend wasn't doing it with me. I got to our starting point first and I sat on a park bench questioning everything -- was I ready? Would I even be able to walk it? What happened if I didn't do it? What did that mean for the Tough Mudder and Goofy? When my friend got there I joked that I was already done so I was just going to go eat a bagel across the street. She said that was fine, she was going home. And with that, we knew it was now or never.
We got going and we picked a good strategy for intervals. We stayed with it the entire time, all 6 miles. I think that was a pleasant surprise for both of us. This was my friend's longest run so far and this was my re-entry into a training schedule. While both of us would have walked the entire thing for each other and never given it a second thought we seemed to have an unspoken agreement that we weren't going to let that happen today. We had a lot on the line and I think we fed off of each other's nervousness and determination to make it a resounding success.
We did this course back in June at the Branford Road Race. I remember a part of the race where my friend was not having a good time and we were making deals to get from one telephone pole to the next. Today we ran the entire length of that hill. The smile that broke out on her face when we crested the hill was one of the best things I've ever experienced on a run. Even better, when we were running up another hill her sister drove by and beeped. It was an incredible comeback for both of us -- her to a course that gave her a rough time just a few months ago, me to running after (as I'm now realizing) major surgery.
And with that, I'm on track for my training program for January. Even though today wasn't my fastest or strongest it was still well under the sweep time for Disney and that's okay with me. I hope (and expect) to get stronger and faster in the next 16 weeks and run 2 decent races at Disney but I also don't want to be hobbling around the parks for the rest of the week and ruin my vacation. Disney is such a low-key race. Sure, plenty of people run it for a Boston Qualifier because it's fast and flat but there's far more people who run it to be able to stop for a photo op with Jack Sparrow or Chip and Dale. The people I saw finishing around the 6 hour mark seemed just as happy as the ones who shot by at the 2. I think it's going to be just fine.
So I'm feeling good. For real.
Also, I think the hot tub sessions are really helping with the muscle discomfort. Every day is a new adventure in the mirror but today I noticed my scar line is higher. While that isn't something I'm thrilled about it means that I am standing up straighter and it's probably finally moving to where it will end up. She did tell me hip to hip and for the last 4 weeks it was surprisingly low but that's because I was hunched over and it had nowhere to go. I have a feeling things will be on the move every day now that I'm making a reasonable return to physical activity. This should be interesting if nothing else.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Jelly Belly Litmus Test
My positive thing for today is that yesterday afternoon my surgeon's office called back after 3 days to tell me I was cleared for going in the hot tub. It's okay, they called back within 10 minutes the time I busted my stitches -- I understand hot tub plans are low on the priority callback schedule. And, after 3 times going in, I can feel the tension in my upper back loosening and maybe -- maybe -- my abdomen muscles are loosening up a little. I seem to be able to stand up a little straighter without the binder on which had been a serious concern for me beyond how I looked. I've been hunched over for over 4 weeks now. It's gotten better but when I take the binder off to shower I truly feel like I can't stand straight up because my middle is pulled so tightly down. After a couple of soaks in the hot tub I feel like that is getting slightly better.
Tonight when I was in the hot tub I felt the familiar feeling of jiggling across my stomach. I didn't think about it at first and then I thought "Really? My stomach is so goddamned tight I can't stand up straight but it still jiggles in a hot tub?" But it wasn't. A huge air bubble had ballooned up the compression shorts I was wearing and it was the fabric rippling against me. I felt my stomach and it was tight as a drum, even with the water jets doing their best. That's new and cool.
Going for a long run tomorrow with my friend. Oh, she is so patient to do this with me. I'm so grateful. I think I'd be afraid to go out there alone and I know I have to get back out there to get this Goofy training off the ground. Let's hope there's a Day 3 after this outing and not a permanent haitus from blogging!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
4 Weeks of Positive Thinking
Since the last 4 weeks have been nothing but whining: whining about how much pain I was in, whining about how sucky living without power and water for a week was after the hurricane (while being in pain), and whining about how I look, I decided that -- for my own sanity -- that any blog post in the next 4 weeks will have at least something positive in it. If this is my last entry for a month then it wasn't a very successful experiment but I believe, like training the body, I can train my mind to get past all this bullshit. Because, really, the 3 outcomes of my unhappiness are this:
1. It resolves itself on its own
2. I learn to live with it
3. I decide to have it fixed
Put like that it seems pretty simple. It will fall into one of the 3 categories and I'll know which one it is when I know. End of story.
Today's positive thing: I did the treadmill today for 50 minutes, 3.64 miles. I've added 5 minutes and almost half a mile from my first outing on Monday. It's small progress but it's progress. I haven't thrown in the towel. It's not comfortable, I'm still very tender and tight through my whole abdomen but I'm trying to work it out.
I'm also trying to look at myself through the "clothing lens" to see if things are as bad as I think they are. I'm not going to post a picture of myself for the next 4 weeks. Any readers I have left will be thinking, "Please. I liked you better when you hated yourself and I didn't have to look at you every day." But today is Day 1 of this effort and I wore workout clothes. My positive thing I will say is that running shorts look totally flat the way they're supposed to now.
Tomorrow is another day.
1. It resolves itself on its own
2. I learn to live with it
3. I decide to have it fixed
Put like that it seems pretty simple. It will fall into one of the 3 categories and I'll know which one it is when I know. End of story.
Today's positive thing: I did the treadmill today for 50 minutes, 3.64 miles. I've added 5 minutes and almost half a mile from my first outing on Monday. It's small progress but it's progress. I haven't thrown in the towel. It's not comfortable, I'm still very tender and tight through my whole abdomen but I'm trying to work it out.
I'm also trying to look at myself through the "clothing lens" to see if things are as bad as I think they are. I'm not going to post a picture of myself for the next 4 weeks. Any readers I have left will be thinking, "Please. I liked you better when you hated yourself and I didn't have to look at you every day." But today is Day 1 of this effort and I wore workout clothes. My positive thing I will say is that running shorts look totally flat the way they're supposed to now.
Tomorrow is another day.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
You can't always get what you want
I'm going to be insightful and start out by saying that when I don't sleep the whole day is shit. I was up every half hour last night. For some reason the house was baking hot and once I was up and sweaty there was no restful sleep to be had. When I woke up I was already in a rotten mood and my first thought was "Today is 4 weeks."
I don't know what I expected. Probably nothing. I was looking for a reason to be depressed and miserable. I looked at myself in the mirror, saw the same swelling I've seen for the last 4 weeks, and let my mood go completely black. I did something I've only done one other time in 5 years: I called my husband at work. I haven't seen him since Monday but it feels like it's been forever. As soon as I heard his voice I started crying. I told him how unhappy I was and how I hated what I looked like. I told him how sorry I was for putting us through this and how ashamed and embarrassed I am about all of this. God bless him for saying all the right things. He told me it's only 4 weeks and it will take a long time for everything to adjust itself. He told me once I go back to Xfit that will make a huge difference too. He told me not to worry and we'll deal with this no matter what. My biggest fear is that I'll wait the year, I'll never be happy with the results, and I either spend another fortune on more surgery (risking more disappointing results and putting myself through the trauma of another procedure) or live the rest of my life with regret. My husband is very calming and while I did feel better after talking to him I was still just so upset and depressed.
I don't know if I believe in karma because there seem to be a lot of shitty people living great lives but I do think that sometimes you get what you need. I had already planned to have lunch with my friend who has been my sounding board through this whole process. I didn't want it to be another conversation about this but I ended up telling her about how I felt. She's so rational and objective. We talked about how 4 weeks off from working out, which has been my salvation for the last 2 years, is effecting my emotions. We talked about that definition of "normal" that has been a barrier for me: my "normal" vs the normal "normal." And, like Bill, she reminded me that it's only 4 weeks. One week (which I've blocked out since it was so awful) was hurricane survival week that caused me so much stress and I know set my healing back a week.
Rationally, I know these things but thank goodness I have people I love and trust to remind me. The other thing I love about my friend is that she would tell me things straight up. I am wearing jeans today. They're super low cut so they fit because they don't have to go over my waist. But they're jeans. And that's kind of normal. So, being the good, straight-shooter friend she is, she looked at me and said that I told her I wanted to look good in jeans and, from her perspective, I looked great. She said looking at me she'd get it done tomorrow. She asked (in that sensitive good friend way) if my disappointment was that my expectation really was more than I had initially said. I think that's probably a lot of it. Yes, I truly wanted to look good in clothes and not feel like I always had a gut hanging out. But when you go through this you can't help but think you might end up with even more.
It was a good conversation and one I needed to hear. I'm starting up with workouts again, I've done the treadmill twice this week, I'll do it tomorrow, and then my friend and I are going to do a long run on Saturday (with walk breaks -- I need them, she doesn't!). She thinks once I'm out there I'll feel so much better and I agree. Once I'm back in motion and working toward something I think a lot of the anxiety and focus on my stupid hips will go away. I'll be more concerned with mileage, pace, WODs, and all the stuff that has made me who I am today, regardless of the surgery.
After our lunch I went to Kohl's. My surgeon had told me last week that I could switch to Spanx, I haven't been to the store and I was still afraid to get rid of the binder, no matter how much I hated it. I found these:
So I bought 2. I got home, took off this wretched thing:
And I instantly felt better. Again, kind of normal.
Then I looked in the mirror, clothes on, and tried to see what my friend says she can see. I realized, swelling and all, I'm not hideous. My first "after" pictures.
A return back to running, a few weeks back at Xfit, an "event" even if it's just a 5K to feel like I'm part of something again, some more weeks of healing (and hopefully less swelling) and I might not feel the regret I do now.
I know the internet is such a reliable source of information but I read this and it made me feel a little better. Seems like 3-6 months is normal, a year is not unheard of. I am not alone in this.
So you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.
I don't know what I expected. Probably nothing. I was looking for a reason to be depressed and miserable. I looked at myself in the mirror, saw the same swelling I've seen for the last 4 weeks, and let my mood go completely black. I did something I've only done one other time in 5 years: I called my husband at work. I haven't seen him since Monday but it feels like it's been forever. As soon as I heard his voice I started crying. I told him how unhappy I was and how I hated what I looked like. I told him how sorry I was for putting us through this and how ashamed and embarrassed I am about all of this. God bless him for saying all the right things. He told me it's only 4 weeks and it will take a long time for everything to adjust itself. He told me once I go back to Xfit that will make a huge difference too. He told me not to worry and we'll deal with this no matter what. My biggest fear is that I'll wait the year, I'll never be happy with the results, and I either spend another fortune on more surgery (risking more disappointing results and putting myself through the trauma of another procedure) or live the rest of my life with regret. My husband is very calming and while I did feel better after talking to him I was still just so upset and depressed.
I don't know if I believe in karma because there seem to be a lot of shitty people living great lives but I do think that sometimes you get what you need. I had already planned to have lunch with my friend who has been my sounding board through this whole process. I didn't want it to be another conversation about this but I ended up telling her about how I felt. She's so rational and objective. We talked about how 4 weeks off from working out, which has been my salvation for the last 2 years, is effecting my emotions. We talked about that definition of "normal" that has been a barrier for me: my "normal" vs the normal "normal." And, like Bill, she reminded me that it's only 4 weeks. One week (which I've blocked out since it was so awful) was hurricane survival week that caused me so much stress and I know set my healing back a week.
Rationally, I know these things but thank goodness I have people I love and trust to remind me. The other thing I love about my friend is that she would tell me things straight up. I am wearing jeans today. They're super low cut so they fit because they don't have to go over my waist. But they're jeans. And that's kind of normal. So, being the good, straight-shooter friend she is, she looked at me and said that I told her I wanted to look good in jeans and, from her perspective, I looked great. She said looking at me she'd get it done tomorrow. She asked (in that sensitive good friend way) if my disappointment was that my expectation really was more than I had initially said. I think that's probably a lot of it. Yes, I truly wanted to look good in clothes and not feel like I always had a gut hanging out. But when you go through this you can't help but think you might end up with even more.
It was a good conversation and one I needed to hear. I'm starting up with workouts again, I've done the treadmill twice this week, I'll do it tomorrow, and then my friend and I are going to do a long run on Saturday (with walk breaks -- I need them, she doesn't!). She thinks once I'm out there I'll feel so much better and I agree. Once I'm back in motion and working toward something I think a lot of the anxiety and focus on my stupid hips will go away. I'll be more concerned with mileage, pace, WODs, and all the stuff that has made me who I am today, regardless of the surgery.
After our lunch I went to Kohl's. My surgeon had told me last week that I could switch to Spanx, I haven't been to the store and I was still afraid to get rid of the binder, no matter how much I hated it. I found these:
So I bought 2. I got home, took off this wretched thing:
And I instantly felt better. Again, kind of normal.
Then I looked in the mirror, clothes on, and tried to see what my friend says she can see. I realized, swelling and all, I'm not hideous. My first "after" pictures.
A return back to running, a few weeks back at Xfit, an "event" even if it's just a 5K to feel like I'm part of something again, some more weeks of healing (and hopefully less swelling) and I might not feel the regret I do now.
I know the internet is such a reliable source of information but I read this and it made me feel a little better. Seems like 3-6 months is normal, a year is not unheard of. I am not alone in this.
So you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Are you kidding me?
It's not funny anymore.
I'm staying at my aunt's house for the week while they're away. This is where I came to convalesce when we had no power after the hurricane. It's on the water. It's beautiful. I love staying here.
When I went into the basement today to do the treadmill I noticed this in the corner. It's always been there but now that I Xfit, I know what it is.
A GHD machine. Glute Ham Developer. I'd never tried one until I went to Xfit and I never found out how awesome it is for glutes and hamstrings but I do know that doing GHD situps will give you some seriously cut abs. I could have been hanging out all day on this thing. But I can't.
I'm in Branford. Minutes away from Shoreline CrossFit, one of the best boxes in the state. I could be hanging there all day. But I can't.
I can't even go into the hot tub or the pool because even though my incision is almost 100% filled with my luck I'd get a goddamned staph infection.
I'm still missing out on so much. And I'm still not happy with how I look. I'm still swollen. I still can't wear regular clothes. I weigh myself and I'm not gaining weight so I know it has to be swelling but WTF? It will be 4 weeks tomorrow.
I'm so over this. I'm fully admitting it, if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't. I'd save myself a shitload of money and just deal with my body the way it is. I'd have done the 20K on Labor Day. I'd be in good shape for the Hartford Half. I'd be 2 strong weeks into my Goofy Challenge program. I wouldn't be wearing a tight, uncomfortable binder that I want to set fire to but I'm even more uncomfortable when I'm not in it because I feel like it's holding me together. I know it's not, I know the tightness in my abs is staying but I am literally not comfortable in my own skin. I always said that I wasn't comfortable in my skin before because I wasn't able to see myself as fit and not fat but this is the real deal.
I was talking with someone today and they said that when their sister had a nose job it took a full year for the swelling to go down. That's a nose. This is my whole goddamned abdomen where 3 lbs of skin were removed. I am depressed. I am angry. I am feeling such regret.
I know (hope?) this will pass. I hope this is just a bad day where nothing has gone right and I am out of sorts.
I did try to get some of my life back. I did the treadmill today. I skipped the 1-minute jogging intervals and did 2 and 2, then 3 and 2, and then because I hate when things don't work out numerically, I did the last interval for 5 minutes but slower than I had done the others. I did a little better than yesterday, 3.25 miles in 45 minutes. Fantastic. That's another 10 feet of the Mudder I'll kill myself on.
On the bright side, unless everyone is a liar (and they may well be, who wants to admit they made a mistake?) the people who I know who have had tummy tucks all love theirs and have no regrets. Maybe they were faster healers. Maybe they weren't pissed about missing the Labor Day race. They all love the way they look. Maybe I'll get there too.
And that's my whine of the night. Probably more to come tomorrow.
I'm staying at my aunt's house for the week while they're away. This is where I came to convalesce when we had no power after the hurricane. It's on the water. It's beautiful. I love staying here.
When I went into the basement today to do the treadmill I noticed this in the corner. It's always been there but now that I Xfit, I know what it is.
A GHD machine. Glute Ham Developer. I'd never tried one until I went to Xfit and I never found out how awesome it is for glutes and hamstrings but I do know that doing GHD situps will give you some seriously cut abs. I could have been hanging out all day on this thing. But I can't.
I'm in Branford. Minutes away from Shoreline CrossFit, one of the best boxes in the state. I could be hanging there all day. But I can't.
I can't even go into the hot tub or the pool because even though my incision is almost 100% filled with my luck I'd get a goddamned staph infection.
I'm still missing out on so much. And I'm still not happy with how I look. I'm still swollen. I still can't wear regular clothes. I weigh myself and I'm not gaining weight so I know it has to be swelling but WTF? It will be 4 weeks tomorrow.
I'm so over this. I'm fully admitting it, if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't. I'd save myself a shitload of money and just deal with my body the way it is. I'd have done the 20K on Labor Day. I'd be in good shape for the Hartford Half. I'd be 2 strong weeks into my Goofy Challenge program. I wouldn't be wearing a tight, uncomfortable binder that I want to set fire to but I'm even more uncomfortable when I'm not in it because I feel like it's holding me together. I know it's not, I know the tightness in my abs is staying but I am literally not comfortable in my own skin. I always said that I wasn't comfortable in my skin before because I wasn't able to see myself as fit and not fat but this is the real deal.
I was talking with someone today and they said that when their sister had a nose job it took a full year for the swelling to go down. That's a nose. This is my whole goddamned abdomen where 3 lbs of skin were removed. I am depressed. I am angry. I am feeling such regret.
I know (hope?) this will pass. I hope this is just a bad day where nothing has gone right and I am out of sorts.
I did try to get some of my life back. I did the treadmill today. I skipped the 1-minute jogging intervals and did 2 and 2, then 3 and 2, and then because I hate when things don't work out numerically, I did the last interval for 5 minutes but slower than I had done the others. I did a little better than yesterday, 3.25 miles in 45 minutes. Fantastic. That's another 10 feet of the Mudder I'll kill myself on.
On the bright side, unless everyone is a liar (and they may well be, who wants to admit they made a mistake?) the people who I know who have had tummy tucks all love theirs and have no regrets. Maybe they were faster healers. Maybe they weren't pissed about missing the Labor Day race. They all love the way they look. Maybe I'll get there too.
And that's my whine of the night. Probably more to come tomorrow.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Don't call it a comeback
Today I felt good. I felt strong and I felt ready to start rustling up some endorphins. Although I hate the dreadmill more than anything I figured it was smarter to give my first post-surgical go at exercise near a phone with a fixed location should 9-1-1 be required. My original plan was to walk. But I opened the box of new running sneakers bought just before surgery to check them out. The final verdict isn't in but the Adidas Supernova Adapt seems to be a reasonable facsimile to the Supernova Classic that I've mourned for a year now. I got so excited about my new kicks that after walking on the treadmill for 5 minutes I did a little gut check (like that? gut check?) and decided I could *try* doing 1 minutes of jogging (I can't, in good faith, call it running) to every 2 minutes of walking. I started out like that once before, why not again?
I did my first mile like that and while I felt myself running sort of doubled over to protect my stomach (same exact thing after the gallbladder) and while I felt like I was jiggling myself in ways my body hasn't felt in a few weeks, I didn't feel acute pain or like something was going to break. Plus I had the binder on (which needs a date with some febreze, BTW) so I felt a little confident going into my second mile to even the intervals to 2 minutes jogging and 2 minutes walking.
Surprisingly, I wasn't winded. It wasn't that that made me look forward to the end of each interval, it was the tenderness and a little fear of what my abdomen muscles were feeling. My legs felt strong. I felt strong.
I did my third mile with 3 minutes jogging (although I had moved up to 5 mph by that point -- I know, not exactly breaking the sound barrier but it was a good first effort) to every 2 minutes of walking. I felt like I could have gone longer and I really, really wanted to but I figured 45 minutes the first time out was a good stopping point. And here you are:
3.17 miles. Not bad coming off major surgery and 4 weeks to the day since my last workout. I am trying not to let the knowledge that those 3.17 miles on a treadmill is equivalent to about a half mile of the Tough Mudder course ruin my day but, again, we all have to start somewhere. A few more sessions like that, a little more confidence gained, and I'll be back on the trail and the road where I love it best.
I feel strong and happy today. About damned time.
I did my first mile like that and while I felt myself running sort of doubled over to protect my stomach (same exact thing after the gallbladder) and while I felt like I was jiggling myself in ways my body hasn't felt in a few weeks, I didn't feel acute pain or like something was going to break. Plus I had the binder on (which needs a date with some febreze, BTW) so I felt a little confident going into my second mile to even the intervals to 2 minutes jogging and 2 minutes walking.
Surprisingly, I wasn't winded. It wasn't that that made me look forward to the end of each interval, it was the tenderness and a little fear of what my abdomen muscles were feeling. My legs felt strong. I felt strong.
I did my third mile with 3 minutes jogging (although I had moved up to 5 mph by that point -- I know, not exactly breaking the sound barrier but it was a good first effort) to every 2 minutes of walking. I felt like I could have gone longer and I really, really wanted to but I figured 45 minutes the first time out was a good stopping point. And here you are:
3.17 miles. Not bad coming off major surgery and 4 weeks to the day since my last workout. I am trying not to let the knowledge that those 3.17 miles on a treadmill is equivalent to about a half mile of the Tough Mudder course ruin my day but, again, we all have to start somewhere. A few more sessions like that, a little more confidence gained, and I'll be back on the trail and the road where I love it best.
I feel strong and happy today. About damned time.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Daisy's Day Out
Today was pretty great. Despite the somber nature of the date and the eerie perfect sunny cool weather so reminiscent of September 11, 2001, it was a really great day.
One thing about having to take time off from Xfit is that it's given my husband a chance to do some partner WODs with my friend. We decided to go this morning, they would do the partner WOD and I would go with her husband and son for a walk along the shore. They had a great WOD, my husband seems to be enjoying Xfit more and more which I LOVE. I had a good walk, albeit a little stressful because I had Daisy and she can pull like no one's business. I was trying to keep her from flipping over the jogger stroller so I got a little cardio and upper body work in today I guess.
After we went to the Paperback for breakfast and eventually everyone else from Xfit showed up there and we all sat outside eating breakfast and enjoying the day.
I think continuing to hang around at Xfit has been great for me. I'm inspired and motivated when I see the WODs and I know that I'll be back there soon enough. It's also given my husband a chance to make this his own thing and I'm so happy about that. He joined for me but I think he's seeing that he's good at it and that he's becoming stronger.
Of all of us, I think Daisy had the best day though. She got to go to see the box, meet some new people, got a walk in a new area, and had a some pancakes, sausage, and bacon. When we got back she slept for hours. :)
One thing about having to take time off from Xfit is that it's given my husband a chance to do some partner WODs with my friend. We decided to go this morning, they would do the partner WOD and I would go with her husband and son for a walk along the shore. They had a great WOD, my husband seems to be enjoying Xfit more and more which I LOVE. I had a good walk, albeit a little stressful because I had Daisy and she can pull like no one's business. I was trying to keep her from flipping over the jogger stroller so I got a little cardio and upper body work in today I guess.
After we went to the Paperback for breakfast and eventually everyone else from Xfit showed up there and we all sat outside eating breakfast and enjoying the day.
I think continuing to hang around at Xfit has been great for me. I'm inspired and motivated when I see the WODs and I know that I'll be back there soon enough. It's also given my husband a chance to make this his own thing and I'm so happy about that. He joined for me but I think he's seeing that he's good at it and that he's becoming stronger.
Of all of us, I think Daisy had the best day though. She got to go to see the box, meet some new people, got a walk in a new area, and had a some pancakes, sausage, and bacon. When we got back she slept for hours. :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wrong again
But finally in a good way.
Ohhh, was I dreading the drain pull. I'm not kidding when I say I brought my last pain pill and a bandana to chew on in anticipation of it.
The surgeon was happy with the healing so she snapped on the gloves to yank it. I took out my bandana and she asked what it was for. I told her that the last time I was there I heard someone screaming down the hall. She kind of laughed and said that the transplant unit is down the hall also and she wasn't sure what happens in those offices. She got me ready and it was over in 2 seconds. NO pain. Like, none. It felt like something slithery coming out of me but no pain. It didn't get caught on a nice chunk of skin that had healed. OMG. What a relief.
We talked about a few things. It's funny, of course I trusted her when I chose to have her do my surgery. And I've talked about why I stayed off the cosmetic surgery boards because there's only so much non-medical opinions that you can take. I'm not going to go in and micro manage my surgeon. She is where she is because she must know what she's doing. That said, I've been upset about my hip swelling from the beginning. I've talked about it here and when I look in the mirror and I can really see my tight little abdomen starting to emerge I see the bulges in my hips and I get depressed. I mentioned it again today and 2 minutes of her talking to me made all the difference in the world.
She said the swelling happens because that's where the blood supply comes from (hence the spot for the drains), meaning the area is highly susceptible to swelling and inflammation. She said she used to do lipo on the hips at the same time as the abdominoplasty but found that it was to aggressive. She said 90% of her patients look like that after surgery and it resolves itself almost all the time. IF in a year (which tells you just how long it takes for the body to snap back from this) I'm still unhappy she'd do a little lipo but to not even worry about it now.
Of course she knows what she's doing. Of course she has a rationale. I was so glad she mentioned the lipo because when I look at myself I think "Why didn't she just suck the fat out there too?" But she had a reason. I love explanations. They put me at ease and make me stress less.
Other than that I am coming along okay. I have clearance to start walking for exercise. Miles are miles so I'll take it! We decided that the trip to Istanbul for work next week is probably not a great idea so I'm on leave for 2 more weeks which I'm relieved about. I can really, really finish healing hopefully without further stress, like hurricanes and stuff.
We had dinner with our friends tonight at a churrascuria. OMG, so perfect! Relatively healthy, too especially if I'm doing high protein. I had some sides too but the meat was excellent and I'd go back again.
I'm excited the drain is out and I can really focus on getting better. Yay!
Also, got the first preview of the new blog design. I have a few tweaks I'd like to make but I love the idea of this new blog!
Ohhh, was I dreading the drain pull. I'm not kidding when I say I brought my last pain pill and a bandana to chew on in anticipation of it.
The surgeon was happy with the healing so she snapped on the gloves to yank it. I took out my bandana and she asked what it was for. I told her that the last time I was there I heard someone screaming down the hall. She kind of laughed and said that the transplant unit is down the hall also and she wasn't sure what happens in those offices. She got me ready and it was over in 2 seconds. NO pain. Like, none. It felt like something slithery coming out of me but no pain. It didn't get caught on a nice chunk of skin that had healed. OMG. What a relief.
We talked about a few things. It's funny, of course I trusted her when I chose to have her do my surgery. And I've talked about why I stayed off the cosmetic surgery boards because there's only so much non-medical opinions that you can take. I'm not going to go in and micro manage my surgeon. She is where she is because she must know what she's doing. That said, I've been upset about my hip swelling from the beginning. I've talked about it here and when I look in the mirror and I can really see my tight little abdomen starting to emerge I see the bulges in my hips and I get depressed. I mentioned it again today and 2 minutes of her talking to me made all the difference in the world.
She said the swelling happens because that's where the blood supply comes from (hence the spot for the drains), meaning the area is highly susceptible to swelling and inflammation. She said she used to do lipo on the hips at the same time as the abdominoplasty but found that it was to aggressive. She said 90% of her patients look like that after surgery and it resolves itself almost all the time. IF in a year (which tells you just how long it takes for the body to snap back from this) I'm still unhappy she'd do a little lipo but to not even worry about it now.
Of course she knows what she's doing. Of course she has a rationale. I was so glad she mentioned the lipo because when I look at myself I think "Why didn't she just suck the fat out there too?" But she had a reason. I love explanations. They put me at ease and make me stress less.
Other than that I am coming along okay. I have clearance to start walking for exercise. Miles are miles so I'll take it! We decided that the trip to Istanbul for work next week is probably not a great idea so I'm on leave for 2 more weeks which I'm relieved about. I can really, really finish healing hopefully without further stress, like hurricanes and stuff.
We had dinner with our friends tonight at a churrascuria. OMG, so perfect! Relatively healthy, too especially if I'm doing high protein. I had some sides too but the meat was excellent and I'd go back again.
I'm excited the drain is out and I can really focus on getting better. Yay!
Also, got the first preview of the new blog design. I have a few tweaks I'd like to make but I love the idea of this new blog!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Exercise is easier
I'm hoping to get clearance to do *something* physical when I go to the dr's tomorrow. It's been a long 3 weeks. The first week I was in so much pain that I didn't care about working out. The second week I had no power so I was depressed and bored (and still in pain) so while I thought about working out every day I still was in "eat what you want, you're recovering" mode.
This is my third-going-into-fourth week. Now is when my body isn't burning as much to heal, any residual effects of developing a good metabolism is probably disappearing, so I've come to the proverbial fork in the road: keep eating crap or cut back on calories to offset the lack of exercise.
When we chucked the fridge and freezer after the hurricane I only bought healthy things. It was hard to do, given the steady diet of candy and Chinese I lived on during hurricane week. And really, when you're standing in a grocery store surrounded by chips and ice cream, who really wants to say no? Not me.
In my regular life I eat fairly healthy. I have my indulgences but I enjoy them. I don't weigh myself a lot, I go by my clothing. I obsessed over food and points and all that tedious shit for so long, I don't make it the focus of my life now. I did -- both times I lost 100 lbs -- the first time with WW and the second time on a high protein diet using daily plate. I tracked everything down to measuring how much milk I put in my coffee. It's a drag. I hated it but I was seeing results week after week. When I got to my goal weight I tried to keep up with it but there doesn't seem to be the same incentive to be just as diligent but only see no change on the scale. So I stopped. I also joined xfit and I could see in pictures and in my clothes that whatever I was doing was working.
Truth be told, I could and maybe should lose 10 more lbs which would mean cracking down on my diet again. I always have this inner battle with myself: bust my ass and lose 10 more lbs and white knuckle my way through every day trying to stay there or be thrilled I've lost the weight (again) and have maintained it for over a year now. For the first time in my life I can eat something "bad" and A) not beat myself up for being a failure and B) not let it put me into a food frenzy that doesn't end. I've been in a good place with this. Maybe I'm going easy on myself by not losing 10 more lbs, maybe it's that I know myself well enough to know that's putting me into a precarious mental state that I may still not be strong enough to handle. As someone who has had food issues my entire life I avoid that chaotic, scary mind space whenever I can.
But, like I said, no working out means something has to give on the other end. My recognition of such is kind of a victory in itself. If I had a good track record of putting the breaks on I wouldn't have gained 100 lbs TWICE. The last few days have been good, egg whites or a scrambeled egg in the morning, turkey rollups, meatballs, Greek yogurt throughout the day -- my high protein go-tos that served me well this last time. It's like detoxing though. I miss grabbing a handful of Swedish fish or cheese popcorn. It's hard to eat healthy. It's not natural for me (and a lot of people) but I'm not going back to where I was and why would I have put myself through this hell of the abdominoplasty to get fat? Today I weighed myself and I'm 8 lbs lighter than when I went into the hospital. Three of which the surgeon removed for me. Some may be muscle loss. At least it isn't a gain. I have hope that once the swelling is gone I will be able to fit into regular clothes again.
I'm glad I seem to be able to reign it in when I have to but I would much prefer to be able to work out. It gives me so much more insurance in maintaining my weight. Not only that it makes me feel good. It gives me an opportunity every single day to better myself. Counting protein and carb grams doesn't quite have the same effect.
I hope to have a much rosier outlook tomorrow once the drain is out and it won't be from the percosets either.
This is my third-going-into-fourth week. Now is when my body isn't burning as much to heal, any residual effects of developing a good metabolism is probably disappearing, so I've come to the proverbial fork in the road: keep eating crap or cut back on calories to offset the lack of exercise.
When we chucked the fridge and freezer after the hurricane I only bought healthy things. It was hard to do, given the steady diet of candy and Chinese I lived on during hurricane week. And really, when you're standing in a grocery store surrounded by chips and ice cream, who really wants to say no? Not me.
In my regular life I eat fairly healthy. I have my indulgences but I enjoy them. I don't weigh myself a lot, I go by my clothing. I obsessed over food and points and all that tedious shit for so long, I don't make it the focus of my life now. I did -- both times I lost 100 lbs -- the first time with WW and the second time on a high protein diet using daily plate. I tracked everything down to measuring how much milk I put in my coffee. It's a drag. I hated it but I was seeing results week after week. When I got to my goal weight I tried to keep up with it but there doesn't seem to be the same incentive to be just as diligent but only see no change on the scale. So I stopped. I also joined xfit and I could see in pictures and in my clothes that whatever I was doing was working.
Truth be told, I could and maybe should lose 10 more lbs which would mean cracking down on my diet again. I always have this inner battle with myself: bust my ass and lose 10 more lbs and white knuckle my way through every day trying to stay there or be thrilled I've lost the weight (again) and have maintained it for over a year now. For the first time in my life I can eat something "bad" and A) not beat myself up for being a failure and B) not let it put me into a food frenzy that doesn't end. I've been in a good place with this. Maybe I'm going easy on myself by not losing 10 more lbs, maybe it's that I know myself well enough to know that's putting me into a precarious mental state that I may still not be strong enough to handle. As someone who has had food issues my entire life I avoid that chaotic, scary mind space whenever I can.
But, like I said, no working out means something has to give on the other end. My recognition of such is kind of a victory in itself. If I had a good track record of putting the breaks on I wouldn't have gained 100 lbs TWICE. The last few days have been good, egg whites or a scrambeled egg in the morning, turkey rollups, meatballs, Greek yogurt throughout the day -- my high protein go-tos that served me well this last time. It's like detoxing though. I miss grabbing a handful of Swedish fish or cheese popcorn. It's hard to eat healthy. It's not natural for me (and a lot of people) but I'm not going back to where I was and why would I have put myself through this hell of the abdominoplasty to get fat? Today I weighed myself and I'm 8 lbs lighter than when I went into the hospital. Three of which the surgeon removed for me. Some may be muscle loss. At least it isn't a gain. I have hope that once the swelling is gone I will be able to fit into regular clothes again.
I'm glad I seem to be able to reign it in when I have to but I would much prefer to be able to work out. It gives me so much more insurance in maintaining my weight. Not only that it makes me feel good. It gives me an opportunity every single day to better myself. Counting protein and carb grams doesn't quite have the same effect.
I hope to have a much rosier outlook tomorrow once the drain is out and it won't be from the percosets either.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Let's wrap this b**ch up
What a difference a day makes.
Yesterday I felt *awful* all day. I knew part of it was the pre-rain crappiness I usually feel before a storm but my abdomen was killing me. I fel like I was back at week 1. I would have been concerned but my drain was fine. I have no idea if that actually means anything but it's been my own little reassurance. Not to be TMI but last night I had a giant belch and the pain was gone. So, apparently, when I get gas trapped in my stomach it's so freaking tight that it has nowhere to go. Unexpected side effect of surgery #2451 that has been a surprise.
This healing thing has been fascinating and frustrating. Im really ready for it to be done though. My drain should come out Thursday and while I'm THRILLED about that every time I see how beautiful my incision is closing and how there is the tiniest of lines where it's already closed I think, "Shit. My body has also been healing around this drain for nearly 3 weeks. Ouch." When she took the first one out it had been less than a week so it didn't hurt at all. Just a sting. When I went for my second follow-up appointment I heard a guy screaming down the hallway. I bet I know why. I'm going to take 2 pain pills and wad up a bandana to shove in my mouth when she pulls it. I'm so dreading this even though I know I can finally finish healing when it's out.
I'm also ready to be done talking about all of this. I just want to get back to my life, my "normal" like I talked about and get on with it. I want to talk about running and WODs instead of drains and gas pains from super tight skin. This bores me and I'm the one living it, I can't imagine how tedious these blog entries are to read. Now that this process is hopefully coming to an end I realize how bizarre it all was. I also realize that there are still parts of me I'd love to have fixed but it's not as easy as it sounds. I'm not willing to have the downtime and mental BS of all of it. I had legitimate reasons to do what I did. The rest though? It stays where it lays. HAHA!
Yesterday I felt *awful* all day. I knew part of it was the pre-rain crappiness I usually feel before a storm but my abdomen was killing me. I fel like I was back at week 1. I would have been concerned but my drain was fine. I have no idea if that actually means anything but it's been my own little reassurance. Not to be TMI but last night I had a giant belch and the pain was gone. So, apparently, when I get gas trapped in my stomach it's so freaking tight that it has nowhere to go. Unexpected side effect of surgery #2451 that has been a surprise.
This healing thing has been fascinating and frustrating. Im really ready for it to be done though. My drain should come out Thursday and while I'm THRILLED about that every time I see how beautiful my incision is closing and how there is the tiniest of lines where it's already closed I think, "Shit. My body has also been healing around this drain for nearly 3 weeks. Ouch." When she took the first one out it had been less than a week so it didn't hurt at all. Just a sting. When I went for my second follow-up appointment I heard a guy screaming down the hallway. I bet I know why. I'm going to take 2 pain pills and wad up a bandana to shove in my mouth when she pulls it. I'm so dreading this even though I know I can finally finish healing when it's out.
I'm also ready to be done talking about all of this. I just want to get back to my life, my "normal" like I talked about and get on with it. I want to talk about running and WODs instead of drains and gas pains from super tight skin. This bores me and I'm the one living it, I can't imagine how tedious these blog entries are to read. Now that this process is hopefully coming to an end I realize how bizarre it all was. I also realize that there are still parts of me I'd love to have fixed but it's not as easy as it sounds. I'm not willing to have the downtime and mental BS of all of it. I had legitimate reasons to do what I did. The rest though? It stays where it lays. HAHA!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
You did it to yourself
Life is slowly getting back to normal. Today I slept late and then we went grocery shopping to replace the entire contents of the fridge and freezer. It was actually a good thing. I didn't buy any crap. I only bought what I needed. It was a way to hit "reset" on eating healthy and, after the mental hell of the last few weeks, that's a great thing for me to do.
I have no concept of what day it is because of being without power for a week. Today is Sunday. Tomorrow is Labor Day. After that I go back to work on Thursday. I'm not ready but that's an entirely different matter. Tomorrow is the New Haven Road Race. So many people I know are doing it this year. At first I had to get over the fact I wasn't doing the 20K because I held out hope I *might* be able to do the 5K. When my drain didn't come out last week and I set my recovery back who knows how long with the stress and doing way too much shit just to survive last week without power I had to accept I wouldn't even be able to walk it. Not even walk it. That makes me so sad. I want to be there tomorrow with my friends. I want to do the 20K like I did last year, also coming off of surgery, and feel triumphant. Tonight when I feel like I should have my running clothes out and my gear packed I feel like I screwed myself royally and I have no one to blame but myself.
I remember blogging a looooong time ago about scheduling this thing. In my new life there is always some kind of event to train for. I knew if I was going to do this I'd have to make a sacrifice and miss something along the way because there was no off season. That's not a bad thing. For someone like me it's a miracle that I look at the calendar and see events and training plans instead of birthdays and anniversaries that I dread because it means that I will have to see people and they'll see how fat I've gotten. That's not how I live anymore, thankfully, but I'm having a harder time with this disruption to my life than I thought I would. Having a week-long disruption to my daily existence from the hurricane certainly didn't help but I know it's the race tomorrow that is putting me in a funk.
The Hartford 1/2 is in jeopardy now too. If my drain comes out this week (it should, amazingly the last 2 days where I've actually gotten to rest the way I should have been post-Irene has brought my fluid level down to where it should have been) then I can start up with running again. I am not afraid of pain, running the 20K last year 10 days after gallbladder surgery was pain. I'm not afraid of being slow or having to take walk breaks -- I've rebuilt my running base so many damned times now I know what to expect and I know I'll eventually prevail. But I'm right at the cusp where I'm cutting things close. I'm not going to stress about Goofy (yet) because official training wouldn't start until late September and the first few weeks are pretty low mileage anyway. I don't want to miss Hartford but I don't want to overestimate my ability to make up for lost time with training.
*sigh* This sucks. I guess I could have waited until after Goofy and done this in January. I wanted it done though. I was ready. If I put it off I might have not done it (again). There's no going back. I did what I did when I did it. I'm hoping I'm coming out on the other side of the recovery process at this point. My incision looks beautiful. It's nearly closed almost all the way across and it will be a tiny scar for the most part except the hip area because that's where the drains were/are. I'm still pretty swollen throughout the abdomen and my regular clothes are awhile away but I catch glimpses of myself in profile, binder and all, and I think "Wow. It's really gone. Maybe this wasn't for nothing after all."
I didn't spend a lot of time on cosmetic surgery boards when I was choosing to do this. Honestly, I find a lot of those forums a waste of time. A lot of it is a pissing contest (my surgeon is better than your surgeon) and a lot of it is just more stuff to worry about than I needed to because, really, once you go under it's beyond your control. I had certainly read that it was major surgery and I guess I discounted what "major" really meant. I'm not going to pop a stitch reaching around to pat myself on the back but maybe part of my mental struggle has been this: if getting back to normal for me simply meant being able to go back to work or drive then I'd pretty much be there already. Getting back to "normal" for me is being able to do a 20K race tomorrow, a 1/2 marathon a month later, the Tough Mudder a month after that, the Goofy Challenge the month after that. Maybe that's why I've struggled so hard with depression after this. It's a good problem to have. The old me wouldn't have given a shit about any of this stuff.
I wish everyone who is doing the race tomorrow a great day. I'm going to try not to have a pity party for myself because I hope to have many, many more race days in my future.
I have no concept of what day it is because of being without power for a week. Today is Sunday. Tomorrow is Labor Day. After that I go back to work on Thursday. I'm not ready but that's an entirely different matter. Tomorrow is the New Haven Road Race. So many people I know are doing it this year. At first I had to get over the fact I wasn't doing the 20K because I held out hope I *might* be able to do the 5K. When my drain didn't come out last week and I set my recovery back who knows how long with the stress and doing way too much shit just to survive last week without power I had to accept I wouldn't even be able to walk it. Not even walk it. That makes me so sad. I want to be there tomorrow with my friends. I want to do the 20K like I did last year, also coming off of surgery, and feel triumphant. Tonight when I feel like I should have my running clothes out and my gear packed I feel like I screwed myself royally and I have no one to blame but myself.
I remember blogging a looooong time ago about scheduling this thing. In my new life there is always some kind of event to train for. I knew if I was going to do this I'd have to make a sacrifice and miss something along the way because there was no off season. That's not a bad thing. For someone like me it's a miracle that I look at the calendar and see events and training plans instead of birthdays and anniversaries that I dread because it means that I will have to see people and they'll see how fat I've gotten. That's not how I live anymore, thankfully, but I'm having a harder time with this disruption to my life than I thought I would. Having a week-long disruption to my daily existence from the hurricane certainly didn't help but I know it's the race tomorrow that is putting me in a funk.
The Hartford 1/2 is in jeopardy now too. If my drain comes out this week (it should, amazingly the last 2 days where I've actually gotten to rest the way I should have been post-Irene has brought my fluid level down to where it should have been) then I can start up with running again. I am not afraid of pain, running the 20K last year 10 days after gallbladder surgery was pain. I'm not afraid of being slow or having to take walk breaks -- I've rebuilt my running base so many damned times now I know what to expect and I know I'll eventually prevail. But I'm right at the cusp where I'm cutting things close. I'm not going to stress about Goofy (yet) because official training wouldn't start until late September and the first few weeks are pretty low mileage anyway. I don't want to miss Hartford but I don't want to overestimate my ability to make up for lost time with training.
*sigh* This sucks. I guess I could have waited until after Goofy and done this in January. I wanted it done though. I was ready. If I put it off I might have not done it (again). There's no going back. I did what I did when I did it. I'm hoping I'm coming out on the other side of the recovery process at this point. My incision looks beautiful. It's nearly closed almost all the way across and it will be a tiny scar for the most part except the hip area because that's where the drains were/are. I'm still pretty swollen throughout the abdomen and my regular clothes are awhile away but I catch glimpses of myself in profile, binder and all, and I think "Wow. It's really gone. Maybe this wasn't for nothing after all."
I didn't spend a lot of time on cosmetic surgery boards when I was choosing to do this. Honestly, I find a lot of those forums a waste of time. A lot of it is a pissing contest (my surgeon is better than your surgeon) and a lot of it is just more stuff to worry about than I needed to because, really, once you go under it's beyond your control. I had certainly read that it was major surgery and I guess I discounted what "major" really meant. I'm not going to pop a stitch reaching around to pat myself on the back but maybe part of my mental struggle has been this: if getting back to normal for me simply meant being able to go back to work or drive then I'd pretty much be there already. Getting back to "normal" for me is being able to do a 20K race tomorrow, a 1/2 marathon a month later, the Tough Mudder a month after that, the Goofy Challenge the month after that. Maybe that's why I've struggled so hard with depression after this. It's a good problem to have. The old me wouldn't have given a shit about any of this stuff.
I wish everyone who is doing the race tomorrow a great day. I'm going to try not to have a pity party for myself because I hope to have many, many more race days in my future.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Power x 2
First and most important, we got power back tonight. Seven days later -- a week that I don't know how I got through given everything else -- it's back. I was finally in a happy place, I was staying at my aunt and uncle's and we were having so much fun. I was relaxed, resting, and happy. I should have gone there earlier in the week but who knew it would take 7 days to get it back. I'm thankful for everyone who got me through this week. I had so many offers of showers, shelter, and food. It's good to know that I have so many kind and generous people in my life.
Today I went to the 31 Heroes WOD. It was my first time back at Xfit since surgery and even though I wasn't going to WOD I was happy anyway. It was GREAT to see everyone. To hear my name and get so many hugs, it was an awesome feeling.
The WOD was incredible: a 31-minute AMRAP of 8 thrusters, 11 box jumps, and 6 rope climbs while the partner ran 400 meters with a 25 lb plate (45 lbs for men). Once the running partner got back they picked up where the other partner left off and switched. I knew it was a rough WOD when I saw almost everyone doing it look at the clock around the 11 minute mark and say, either out loud or with their expression, "That's all?!" I was proud to be there, watching my husband and friends give their very best to a very meaningful workout. I felt their power and even though I'm probably 2 weeks away from starting to Xfit again, I felt that power within me. I wanted to be jumping on the box, I wanted to be climbing the rope. I'll get back there and I think I'm going to have the confidence I've been denying myself once my strength catches back up to my will.
The intent of 31 Heroes was to honor the 30 Navy Seals who died on August 6th and their trained military dog, Bart. The organizers have raised $300,000 so far! It is always amazing to see how quickly and passionately the Xfit community rallies to offer their support. I'm proud to be a part of that community and I'm proud to be a part of my Xfit family who is so generous with their support every day to each other.
Today I went to the 31 Heroes WOD. It was my first time back at Xfit since surgery and even though I wasn't going to WOD I was happy anyway. It was GREAT to see everyone. To hear my name and get so many hugs, it was an awesome feeling.
The WOD was incredible: a 31-minute AMRAP of 8 thrusters, 11 box jumps, and 6 rope climbs while the partner ran 400 meters with a 25 lb plate (45 lbs for men). Once the running partner got back they picked up where the other partner left off and switched. I knew it was a rough WOD when I saw almost everyone doing it look at the clock around the 11 minute mark and say, either out loud or with their expression, "That's all?!" I was proud to be there, watching my husband and friends give their very best to a very meaningful workout. I felt their power and even though I'm probably 2 weeks away from starting to Xfit again, I felt that power within me. I wanted to be jumping on the box, I wanted to be climbing the rope. I'll get back there and I think I'm going to have the confidence I've been denying myself once my strength catches back up to my will.
The intent of 31 Heroes was to honor the 30 Navy Seals who died on August 6th and their trained military dog, Bart. The organizers have raised $300,000 so far! It is always amazing to see how quickly and passionately the Xfit community rallies to offer their support. I'm proud to be a part of that community and I'm proud to be a part of my Xfit family who is so generous with their support every day to each other.
Friday, September 2, 2011
One rough week
Still no power or water. I'm at my wit's end. Recovery has been miserable because of it. Every day that I should be on the couch I've had to go out in search of a shower or food. It's a real fucking drag. It's hard to get in and out of the car. It's not comfortable to drive. Thankfully my car has a back-up camera because I honestly think twisting around would snap another layer of stitches. Or at least be really uncomfortable.
I can see exactly what I'm *not* supposed to be doing. When I wake up from a long time on my back with no motion my drain is clear like it should be. When I have to do stuff and move around it gets darker and darker. I wonder if I had actually been able to relax if my drain would be out by now.
I'm losing it. I'm depressed. I don't feel well, I have no comfort at home. I spent the week alone with no power and barely able to take care of myself. Today we came down to my aunt's house since the latest estimate is TUESDAY for getting power back. We were here an hour and my dog got out of the basement and went after one of my aunt's dogs. That was the LAST thing I needed. I told my husband to pack up the dogs and to go home. I was staying here for at least the night. I need to relax. I need to take care of myself or this healing is not ever going to finish happening and I'm in my 3rd week now.
My friend asked me if I would recommend getting this done. I told her at this point I would not. She asked if I could separate the hell of being without power and water would it have been better. I can't though. It's all been one horrible process. Maybe when this other drain comes out it will be better but it's been so much harder than I ever thought it would be and it's not like I have the results I want yet. Tonight I went to Kohl's because I have no clothes (they were in my aunt's wash) and I bought a pair of knit waist shorts 2 sizes bigger than I normally wear but I need the stretch waist to get over the binder and the drain. How depressing is that? You go into this because you want to look great and you end up buying bigger clothes. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do in less than 2 weeks when I go to Istanbul. I can't wear any suits, obviously. I have a dress I can wear a cardigan over for one day. I'll have to buy another loose dress for the other meeting day. That's assuming I feel okay. I'm really starting to stress about all of this now. I'm unraveling.
Tomorrow is the 31 Heroes WOD at Xfit. I'm not into going. I knew it would be hard to watch and not participate but with everything that's happened this week it's even harder.
Watch for news of my new blog! I've registered a URL, Blog Fairy is working on my design, I love the concept and I'm excited about this new step. It's coming at just the right time, I hope. I hope I'm going to take a corner very soon.
I can see exactly what I'm *not* supposed to be doing. When I wake up from a long time on my back with no motion my drain is clear like it should be. When I have to do stuff and move around it gets darker and darker. I wonder if I had actually been able to relax if my drain would be out by now.
I'm losing it. I'm depressed. I don't feel well, I have no comfort at home. I spent the week alone with no power and barely able to take care of myself. Today we came down to my aunt's house since the latest estimate is TUESDAY for getting power back. We were here an hour and my dog got out of the basement and went after one of my aunt's dogs. That was the LAST thing I needed. I told my husband to pack up the dogs and to go home. I was staying here for at least the night. I need to relax. I need to take care of myself or this healing is not ever going to finish happening and I'm in my 3rd week now.
My friend asked me if I would recommend getting this done. I told her at this point I would not. She asked if I could separate the hell of being without power and water would it have been better. I can't though. It's all been one horrible process. Maybe when this other drain comes out it will be better but it's been so much harder than I ever thought it would be and it's not like I have the results I want yet. Tonight I went to Kohl's because I have no clothes (they were in my aunt's wash) and I bought a pair of knit waist shorts 2 sizes bigger than I normally wear but I need the stretch waist to get over the binder and the drain. How depressing is that? You go into this because you want to look great and you end up buying bigger clothes. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do in less than 2 weeks when I go to Istanbul. I can't wear any suits, obviously. I have a dress I can wear a cardigan over for one day. I'll have to buy another loose dress for the other meeting day. That's assuming I feel okay. I'm really starting to stress about all of this now. I'm unraveling.
Tomorrow is the 31 Heroes WOD at Xfit. I'm not into going. I knew it would be hard to watch and not participate but with everything that's happened this week it's even harder.
Watch for news of my new blog! I've registered a URL, Blog Fairy is working on my design, I love the concept and I'm excited about this new step. It's coming at just the right time, I hope. I hope I'm going to take a corner very soon.
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