Today I have a little visual interest though! A cookie basket from work! How very thoughtful!
That's a lot of freaking cookies! I love the little doctor bears. Cute because it was a get well basket and also because of our industry. Nice touch.
I feel strange accepting "get well" wishes like this because I'm not sick. This was an elective procedure. Work doesn't know the details because I've always felt that less is more whenever stuff like this is concerned. They could find out easily enough and I'd be completely honest if anyone asked. No one did so I didn't volunteer. So this was very, VERY kind of them to send.
Today was a long day. I didn't fall asleep until the sun was coming up. I don't think my cat naps during the day are doing it because I'm really tired all the time, I just think night is a really hard time because I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I'm so tired of having to grab onto the bed frame behind me to pull myself up an inch. I'm SO miserable sleeping on my back like a freaking vampire. I don't know what to do with my arms so I cross them over my chest. I have to keep a pillow under my knees because I can't stretch out fully. So bedtime just isn't a fun time for me no matter what meds are involved.
I had my first follow-up appointment today. The surgeon took one of the drains out. I already feel better physically. The next one won't come out until next week because it's doing more of the drainage because it is placed deeper, apparently. Also, I remarked that I couldn't believe I was glued together and she told me that it's only my outer incision that is glued. I have "layers and layers" of stitches on the inside. Ick. I forgot to ask her if my belly button was newly made or if she used my old one and just reinserted it. This is a fascinating thing to me. She wasn't very chatty so I forgot to ask her the few dumb questions I had. I did ask her about my hips and she said she thought the bulging would probably go down but the way she said it it wasn't exactly a promise. She said she gave me a nice hourglass shape, which is true, I can already see my waist is smaller despite the swelling. It's just weird that my anatomy is altered to a different body shape now. I saw myself in profile in the full-length mirror (the first time I dared to look) and I'm flat, for sure. That was the goal. It's less than a week, I'm trying not to get upset because I don't look exactly how I'm going to look. I don't know what reshaping I'll be doing on my own with Xfit once I'm back at it. I remember telling my friend that my goal was to look good in jeans - flat stomach and a big butt. The surgeon sure as hell didn't alter my ass so I think that goal was achieved. This is just all so weird for me, getting used to a new body shape that didn't occur gradually after day-in and day-out of work. I have seen a reshaping of my upper body but I saw the progression of what it took to get there: the first time I saw a bicep bulge, the first time I saw the line between the delt and the bicep, etc. And the bottom line is, whatever I am or am not used to today may look different in 6 months anyway. I've never really hated anything on my face enough that I wanted to get plastic surgery but I don't think I could handle it, I really don't. I think I can look great in jeans now even if I never wear a bikini (not the intent of this procedure but I sure wouldn't complain if it were a side effect). If I hated a new nose or new lips and had to look at it every day what would I do?
Fascinating. This mental process is fascinating. I feel like pre- and post-op counseling should be part of the package because it can easily deteriorate from "dream come true" to "if only..."
I discovered another thing about myself this morning that was brought upon by a bad mood and crappy sleep: I'm not very bright. I was in the waiting room getting pissed looking at all the people sitting around me for consultations or follow-ups and it seemed like everyone was talking about insurance but me. I thought, am I the only f*cking idiot that paid for this myself? Should I have spent months and months fighting the insurance company to get this done? I was getting in a progressively pissy mood as my appointment got later and later. A woman sitting across from me saw me hold my stomach as I moved in my seat and asked me how I was doing. I chatted with her assuming she was getting something cosmetic done and she started to cry. Yes, she was seeing a plastic surgeon but it was in conjunction with treatment at Smilow cancer center. I thought, well I'm as stupid as they come. Not everyone is here for a tummy tuck, there are people with real problems. It was kind of like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry makes fun of a dermatologist as Pimple Popper, MD and then finds out she saved someone who had melanoma. Yeah. So a little hip bulge in my new "hourglass" figure? Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.
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