Sinking in

"Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."

- Mark Twain

I went to a family party today. Almost everyone asked me how the training was going for NYC. At first I was flattered, of course, but then I felt a sense of anxiety the more I talked about it.

On the way home I thought about how many people I was going to disappoint and how I almost wished I had never told anyone of my plans because then my failure would be my own private disappointment. It was a 3-hour trip home so I returned to that thought a lot.

And then it hit me -- I don't have to be a disappointment. I don't have to fail. I can do this. I have family and friends who believe in me and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, I have to believe I'm going to cross that finish line. When I decided to do a marathon this year I had a choice: train for Hartford and do it low-profile or opt for NYC -- the biggest, splashiest marathon there is -- and join Team Animal League which engaged my family and friends because I would need their support for my fundraising goals. I decided to do NYC. I must have believed in myself enough to make that big announcement, my training has gone fine so far, so why am I letting self-doubt start to derail me? I am absolutely my own worst enemy.

When we were going over the Throg's Neck on our way to Long Island my husband told me to look over to Manhattan and see the city I'd be running in. He said it because he wanted me to be quiet for 2 minutes (Me? Annoy him in the car? Never!) but it was effective nonetheless. I looked at the skyline with new interest. I've been to NYC countless times but I'm still stupid when it comes to 5-borough geography. In 84 days I will have an intimate knowledge of the city. That's pretty freaking cool.

I'm grateful so many people talked about the marathon today. I'm grateful for the kind emails and messages I've gotten. It's becoming more real and that means, slowly but surely, it's coming closer to becoming a reality. I'm lucky to have so many people who care and want me to succeed. This would be an incredibly lonely and daunting process if I didn't have such great support behind me.