All week I was kicking my ass about the Mudder. I was disappointed in myself because I wanted to be a superstar. I wanted to have bragging rights about how awesome I was and what amazing shape I'm in. When that didn't happen I had nowhere to go but in the realm of "fail."
I've spent the last 2 days with a group of hemophilia patients. You don't hear much about hemophilia these days. Medications are improved, no one -- thankfully -- is dying of acquired diseases from blood products. For the folks who survived the HIV days they are warriors. In addition to having HIV and hepatitis, they have joint damage that has crippled them. Walking up stairs is painful. Every day they can walk at all is a victory.
I forget about these things when I get so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself. I forget that health is not something to be taken for granted. Just being able to have the ability to take on something like the Mudder is a luxury. How good or bad I was at it was largely in my control. If I had done more hill training maybe I wouldn't have cramped so badly. It was up to me how I performed that day. Not everyone has that choice.
Having this week off from working out has been enlightening. It was mainly out of necessity, I start my days at 5 am and won't finish until midnight. I actually did look to see if there was an Xfit affiliate here and there is. I won't be seeing it though and that's fine, I am surprised I'm making it through the week and this meeting as it is. Having this time away from my routine has made me miss it. It's made me feel like something is wrong that I don't have a run scheduled or a class to go to. I feel lazy and like I haven't worked out in weeks. All good things because hopefully that will make my return to the world of fitness more appreciated, especially after feeling so defeated on Saturday.
This journey I've been on -- the weight loss, the marathon, Xfit, the mudder -- it all has been incredible and something I'm fortunate to be able to do. None of it was easy and I have wanted to throw in the towel many, many times. I think as I've gotten older and have seen people I love suffer grave health problems I realize that I don't have unlimited time to get it right. There aren't a lot of second (or third) chances left. I have to make the most of what I have today.
The official Mudder pictures were finally posted. Brightroom sucked, yet again, so there were only 3 pictures of me. I dig this one though. I look all kinds of badass. When I have a crappy day I'm going to think about this. Crawling through mud, up a hill, over rocks, and under barbed wire -- and I was fortunate to have the opportunity to do it!
Badass Mutha!!
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