Big ole bonk

Horsesh*t. That's what my run was. Total horsesh*t.

This is the first run I've straight-up blown. I've had slow runs but I always managed to get the mileage in. It was bound to happen and, if it had to, I'm glad it was on a 12-miler and not my 18 or 20. Of course, I'm worried it will happen next week but I have to stay positive.

I haven't used the word "bonk" yet because it hasn't really happened to me. Yesterday, though. Total and complete bonk. I was supposed to do 12, I only got in 8, 4 of those were walking and when I say walking I am exaggerating, I was barely moving by that point. It took me 45 minutes to walk 2 miles. I've never felt more tired and drained in my life. I twittered twice on the walk of shame back to my car for someone to come find me and give me a ride. I wasn't kidding.

While I am completely disgusted with myself and my crapola effort yesterday, I am trying to use it as a learning experience. It happened from a combination of things, most of which are in my control and I need to make sure I don't do them again:

1. I wasn't hydrated. I knew the day before I should up my fluids and I didn't because I foolishly thought that 12 miles was no big deal. Every long run deserves respect and I need to prepare accordingly.
2. I didn't eat enough the day before and I didn't have anything to eat before the run. I'm not saying I need to carbo-load with a giant plate of pasta but I probably only had 1100 calories the day before. Nice for losing weight, not great for endurance runs.
3. I started out way too fast, which is a disturbing mistake because by this point I should be in much better control of my pace.
4. It was ridiculously humid for September 25th. I can't control the weather but I can control the other factors. I trained all summer in the humidity and never failed on my runs. The humidity caught me off guard and, add in the other 3 things, it spelled disaster. I have no guarantees that November 7th will be crisp and cool. I should assume the worst and plan my strategy to handle any weather condition.

So, yes, I'm profoundly disappointed in myself. I'm scared that this happened with only 6 weeks to go. Fear is a great motivator though. I've been afraid of failure since I started this process but yesterday when I experienced acute failure I did not like it one bit and I am determined not to feel that way again. Even when I was plodding miserably back to my car I knew deep down that I was better than that. I knew that I did not magically lose the strength and endurance I've built up over the last 12 weeks. I just need to respect the process more and do the right things to make sure I perform on the level I've worked so hard to achieve.