The Climb

Someone I love very much is having health problems. The kind of health problems that make you wonder if we all have invisible clocks above our heads ticking down the days we have on earth from the time we're born. This person has already overcome so much and this is a cruel blow.

I know that taking care of yourself is no guarantee that catastrophic illness won't occur. It's becoming painfully clear that our days are numbered and it's important to live every day. Give it our best.

Last night was a tough WOD. It was a series of 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 reps of strict shoulder presses and medball clean wall balls. Both of those are tough enough but there was a rope climb in between each round. Doing a rope climb when there's no pressure is one thing, doing them as fast as possible because there's other people who want the rope is very different, as I found. I attempted every single rope climb but most times I didn't get all the way up. The thing about rope climbs is that once you lose your footing it's pretty hard to get it back 10-15 ft in the air. Going down the rope without a foothold was scary. I was terrified I'd slide down and rip open my hands or my thighs.

Here's a photo that pretty much captures the "Oh, f*ck" moment when I lost my footing.



I was really disappointed I didn't make every rope climb because I know I can do them.

Fast forward to today with the rough news about my loved one. I was having a crappy day at work (aren't they all, though?), 4 hour commute, I was sore from last night. I had checked the blog and saw what tonight's WOD was and there was no way I wanted to do it. I was dead tired and I just wanted to drive the 2 hours home, get in bed, and try to forget the day. On the drive home I started to break the WOD down into parts:

25 pullups -- okay, I could do that.
50 deadlifts: yeah, I can do that, too. Not Rx it but I could do it.
50 pushups: I'd be able to do them if I broke them up into sets of 5 sets of 10.
50 box jumps: okay, I hate those but I've done them before.
50 floor wipers: I didn't know what those were but how bad could they be (answer: bad!)
50 kettleball clean and press: since that came near the end of the WOD I would just use whatever weight kettlebell I could handle
25 pullups -- when you know it's the last 25 you can get through them

I decided it was doable. And would go a long way to improve my mood. So I went. I usually workout with the 5:30 class so they were all finishing when I showed up for the 6:30. While they were finishing I went over to the rope and did a climb without any problem. So I felt a little redeemed.

Then I realized that I was the only one for the 6:30 class. Besides being last, being alone with the coach is probably the worst thing that could happen. The pressure! But she was going to do the WOD with me so we were in it together.

It was hard. And I didn't come close to Rxing the weight. But that's not what tonight was about for me. It was about not going home and feeling sorry for myself. It was about not using a little muscle soreness as an excuse to do something I knew I was capable of. It was about showing up and using the opportunity I had today to work toward my goal. Because I was lucky enough to have this day.

A picture is worth...

The last 18 or so months have been about becoming a fit, healthy person. I did some pretty cool things during the last 18 months, the NYC marathon being one of the coolest. I felt pretty fit on November 7, 2010. I was running 40 miles a week so it would seem that I was in the best shape of my life.

In January I started Xfit. I also started running a lot less. In fact, the overall time I spent working out was way less than it was in September/October when I had all those endless long runs, spending hours and hours pounding the pavement. In contrast, some of the WODs in Xfit are less than 10 minutes. If I hadn't seen my uncle get completely ripped from Xfit I wouldn't have believed it could work. He was a runner too and then he started Xfit, stopped running as much, and saw a total transformation.

I'm less likely to hide when there's a camera around now but I don't often have such obvious comparisons to see where I was and where I can go. Today I got the proofs from the NYC half and I was shocked. This is the same company who did the photography for the NYC marathon so it would probably mean same cameras, same lenses, so no trickery here. It's also the exact same shot, the happy moment right after you get your medal. I didn't think I looked bad in November but I see a real difference between November and now.



It's happening for me. The Xfit transformation is happening. I run less but I know I'm more fit. It's making me rethink my next set of fitness goals.

And because the difference may not be that big of a deal when you look at other people's before and afters, I'm sharing this for the first time. My true "before."



I had already lost some weight when I took this picture. And I looked at it every month as I started making my way down the scale. I looked at it when I started running. I looked at it when I felt like it was too hard. I keep this picture folded up in my gym bag, not because I ever plan on whipping it out at Xfit but just because...

So what I thought was an "after" was hopefully a very awesome "almost there." I am inspired and awed every time I enter the box at what can be achieved through Xfit. I want that. I want that to be me.

Taking it to the streets

Today I took my act on the road again. It was the big NYC half marathon. I was excited when I got in, excited when I first started training for it, but -- to be honest -- I haven't been too jazzed to do it the last few weeks. I'm in a rut with running, mostly because I am really enjoying Xfit so much more. But the NYC half is a big deal -- I got in through the lottery, it's NYC, and it was my chance to reclaim some of the glory I felt in November for the full.

The day started EARLY. I am so not a morning person and definitely not a morning runner. I swear I was halfway through the race before I was awake. Everyone around me at the start was so pumped up. I look like I'm sleepwalking



The course is Central Park for the first 8 miles, then through Times Square (the whole reason I wanted to do it), then down the West Side Highway to the finish. I was curious if the rolling hills in Central Park would be easier at the beginning of a race instead of at the end of a full marathon but they weren't. Rolling hills are rolling hills. They're no walk in the park (get it: walk in the park?).

As we moved toward Times Square the energy was contagious. You just knew something awesome was coming.




And it was AMAZING! I think I enjoyed that even more than the epic 1st avenue of the full. It was awesome. I checked RunKeeper and even though I stopped for a picture and took in the sights, those were my fastest miles: 8:08 and 8:20. It didn't even seem like I was running fast, I was so into the energy all around me.



After that it was a relatively quick 4 miles down the West Side highway to the finish. There was lots of crowd support but it wasn't chaotic. It was a nicely organized chute, there were no sudden stops and it wasn't overly crowded. The medal is WAY nicer than I anticipated. It's heavy and beautiful.



It wasn't my greatest pace (2:18:29, 10:35/mile) but it was one of my favorite races. I love the energy of NYC. I feel very fortunate to have now covered 39.3 miles of it in 2 awesome races.

A shout out to Sarah -- it was her very first 1/2 marathon and she did great!

Time

I hate this day. I hate it more than any other day of the year. My poor husband has become afraid of me after years of hearing me bitch and moan about how much I hate this day. Last week he timidly said, "I hate to tell you this but you know we change the clocks next week, right?" Yes. I knew. I really, really hate this day.

Logically, my favorite day of the year is where we get an extra hour of sleep. Except that fell this year on the Sunday of the NYC marathon and it's not like I was sleeping that night anyway. And I certainly didn't have an extra hour of luxuriating that day.

So, it would stand to reason, that I would be exceptionally pissy today. Don't ask me how I functioned for years living in a constant state of jetlag with my old job when one single hour throws me off for a week. Last night when it turned midnight and I wasn't tired but knew I better get to bed because it was really 1 am I felt the bitchiness coming to the surface.

But I am changed.

My friend at CrossFit, she of the WINNING t-shirts, asked if I would be her partner for the Sunday partner WOD. I don't usually go on the weekends because that's when I do my long run but who could turn down a great request like that? In fact, I think I have her to thank for the radical change in my attitude. If I didn't have to get up to make it to Xfit then I would have slept in until 10ish, which would have been 11ish, and my day would have started in the shithole like it does every year. Knowing I had to get up early got me in the right mindset. I got up even earlier so I could -- wait for it -- run before Xfit. Who is this person?

I did get up. I did get in 6.3 miles. I did go to Xfit. And I did have a lot of fun doing a really intense WOD (running and burpees were involved, need I say more?). Then, after that, I went out with 2 girls from Xfit and ran 4 MORE miles! I had wanted to do my long run yesterday but it didn't happen. I have the NYC half next week and while I'd probably be okay I hate missing that last run if for no other reason than my confidence takes a hit. I did all this by 11:30 DST. That's about when (10:30) I'm usually rolling out of bed.

I never feel like I have enough time to do things. I use that as an excuse for a lot of things. But I am realizing that it's about prioritizing time. It didn't kill me to get up early. I'll probably sleep better tonight. And I got a LOT done -- 10 miles and an Xfit WOD! Either would have been an achievement on Black Sunday.

So I feel like I'm ready for the NYC Half. I don't normally break up my long runs and I've never done it before but I wasn't breaking it up to rest, I worked out for an hour in between. My thinking was that I was getting my mileage in but starting to move toward the type of training I need to do for Tough Mudder. It's an endurance event, the course is 8-10 miles, but there are so much strength and cardio challenges throughout. I think sticking a WOD in between 10 miles was actually a pretty good test.

They say there's nothing you can do the last week before a race to help you but plenty you can do to hurt you. So I'll taper back on runs, rest more, and hit Xfit twice.

It was a great day. Who knew?

Rx

Every night before I go to Xfit I check the blog to see what the WOD is going to be. It's mandatory obsessive Xfit behavior. CrossFitters joke how they get anxiety attacks if the WOD isn't posted by 8 pm. Most times I check it I think, "Oh. Maybe I can Rx that part of it but I won't be able to Rx the whole thing." Rx means doing the weight Xfit says you should be. You know, to be elite. ;) (I love throwing that word around).

Last night I checked it and it was a sequence of 21-18-15-12-9-6-3 reps of Sumo Deadlift High Pulls and Push Presses. Rx for women was 55 lbs.



I've Rx'd on just the SDHPs before. Push presses are hard for me. It's a lot of weight to push up over your head. And to do it for a total of 84 reps? Yeah. Not easy.

But since I was kind of high off my PR yesterday, I decided I'd go for it. I knew what that would mean, besides killing myself. It meant I'd be something I always fear: LAST. I tend to go easier on my weights because I dread finishing last. Not that there's any shame in it, especially at Xfit. I've stood there and cheered on many of my Xfit family members to the last rep. There's no judgement. There's no embarrassment. I just have been afraid to be the one that people have to wait for. I decided I was going to go for it though. I decided that no matter how long it took me, I was going to Rx my first workout.

It. Was. Insane. When my friends around me were already down to their set of 12 reps, I was still struggling with my 18. I was the last to finish by a LOT. But as each person finished they came over and circled around me. Most of them picked up their barbells even though they were already done and lifted each rep right along with me. If they weren't there, I would have lowered my weight and rushed through to the end. But having their support empowered me. I was GOING to Rx it.

I have no idea what my time was. It doesn't matter. I did it and I'm so freaking proud.

The 6:30 class was warming up while I was still finishing. One of the women ran her first 5K this weekend at MCCF. She's not a runner normally and she could have skipped that WOD but she overcame her fear and went. Like me tonight, she came in last. And, like tonight, everyone who was finished already went back to run her last lap with her. I read the story on the MCCF blog and I cried, it was so moving. I wrote her today to tell her how impressed I was and she said that she would have never tried a 5K but she knew that MCCF was the most supportive place she could be to do it. I thought of her when I was practically crying during my WOD when I saw how behind everyone I was. I knew I could keep going and not be judged because MCCF is that kind of environment.

When I finished I was in such a haze and she walked up to me and said "After seeing that, you deserve this!"



She made up WINNING t-shirts at her business because she's been following my stupid Charlie Sheen posts on FB. As if I didn't already feel so supported by my MCCF family, that sent it over the top! I am blown away by the camaraderie, support, and inspiration I feel from MCCF. Sometimes it takes coming in last to feel like a true winner. And that's not even a Charlie Sheen joke. :)

Faith Restored

I haven't really been into running lately. I'm still doing it, but mostly because I have the NYC half in 2 weeks. Not because I'm really enjoying it. I've been reading a lot of other bloggers who have been struggling either because it's been winter or they're trying to get their mojo back after a marathon, or both. Maybe that was the case for me. I'm glad I made it through the winter and kept with it but I can see it becoming more and more of a chore lately. An obligation. And that's that I don't want about my fitness routine because bad things happen when I feel tied down by too many obligations. Something always goes and it's usually exercise.

I'm enjoying Xfit a lot. It came at the right time for me. It was new, it was tough, and it was radically different than those long, lonely runs I had been doing all Fall. I made friends. I was doing things I had never done before, like ROPE CLIMBS, and I was moving further and further away from wanting to spend so many hours running for seemingly nothing.

Today was the first 5K of the season for me. It also was my first 5K (Kelly 2.0) last year at this time. Last year I ran it in 36:33 and I was psyched to finish. In so many ways, it got me on the road (no pun intended) to great things.

2010



To be honest, I might have skipped going today. I've been in a funk. It's an hour each way to get to the race. The weather is crappy. And I was thinking, "It's just a 5K." But I was meeting Sarah Sundae there. It was her first 5K and we're doing the NYC Half in 2 weeks so I had a good reason to go.



Notice anything different? While I've kept up with my Paddy's Pub streak of apparel, I am so much more fit. Lean, even. It took seeing this to remind me that it's been an awesome year full of challenging myself. If that wasn't good enough as a measurement of my journey, this sure is:

2010 time: 36:33
2011 time: 26:34

That's 10 minutes off my time from last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I averaged an 8:50/mile pace today. I didn't even think that was possible for one mile, nevermind a 5K. A 10-minute improvement on a 3-mile race is pretty epic, if I don't say so myself. And I ain't getting any younger. ;) I not only beat my very best 5K time from 2003 (28:58), I freaking shattered it!

It was something about being back in a racing crowd, having a number, and, more importantly, having confidence that I wasn't just running to finish anymore, I was running. Period.

I needed this. While I still might take a break from distance training after the NYC half I am feeling a renewed passion for running. I'm seeing that it doesn't have to be all about mind-numbing long runs, it can be about a costume-filled, fun race. And I can run faster than I've allowed myself to because I always felt like I had to save it for the distance. That's a whole new challenge for me. I'm thinking something in the 25-minute range will be the very best I can get to but that would be pretty awesome to get there. Knowing what I know about running, shaving another minute off my finish time is going to take a LOT of work but I think I'm ready again. Love that!

Re-do

When you think back, are there any things you'd want a re-do on? For me, it would be living the majority of my life as a fat, inactive person. But isn't it nice that sometimes you can get a re-do? I may not be a kid but it's not too late for me. I am discovering strength I didn't know I had -- both mental and physical. I'm overcoming fears. I'm becoming who I wish I was 20 years ago.

When I joined CrossFit there were a list of things I automatically crossed off as "never would be able to do." Rope climbs were one of them. It's a 15 foot rope and it doesn't sound high until you're standing at the bottom of it looking up at the ceiling. And it doesn't sound hard until you wrap your hands around the rough, hard rope and attempt to pull your weight up while madly grasping at the bottom with your feet.

There's a great guy at CrossFit who just got certified to be a trainer. One day I asked him to show me how to do it. He showed me, I made it a little way up, but it was too much. I told him I was going to give myself 3 workouts before I got it. I tried it the next day and got a little higher but still couldn't make it to the top. Then I was at my away Xfit for a week. Tonight I got there early and people were working on muscle-ups and other stuff so I went over to the rope. This would be my third attempt. I got my feet hooked in and inched my way up. And then up further. And then further. Once I got halfway up I knew I was going to make it. I got to the top, smacked the beam, and started screaming for the guy who first showed me how to do it (who fortunately was there tonight) to get the camera. It was an amazing feeling. Scary getting down but amazing nonetheless.

I'm getting my re-do. And I am so freaking thankful.